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noiseredux
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by noiseredux Wed Oct 19, 2016 5:20 pm

Xeogred wrote:Dang, you guys recommend House 2? Guess I'll give it a shot.


I will feel really bad if you don't understand this: I recommend that EVERYONE see House II because it is seriously one of the strangest things I've ever seen. I'm not saying it's "good." At all. It may be one of the worst movies ever. But it is amusing AF and I'd gladly see it again. It is "amazing" as prfsnl said because even if you tried to tell somebody what happens it, they'd think you were making it up. You can't even describe it. You just need to see it. Trust.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Ack Wed Oct 19, 2016 5:24 pm

House II has time travel. Doors to parallel dimension. Undead cowboys. The greatest electrician ever. A jeweled skull. Mayans. Dinosaurs. A caterpillar that is also a dog. Family. Friendship. Breakups. Magic.

Seriously, House II: The Second Story is amazing. Like it will change your life.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Xeogred Wed Oct 19, 2016 5:29 pm

noiseredux wrote:
Xeogred wrote:Dang, you guys recommend House 2? Guess I'll give it a shot.


I will feel really bad if you don't understand this: I recommend that EVERYONE see House II because it is seriously one of the strangest things I've ever seen. I'm not saying it's "good." At all. It may be one of the worst movies ever. But it is amusing AF and I'd gladly see it again. It is "amazing" as prfsnl said because even if you tried to tell somebody what happens it, they'd think you were making it up. You can't even describe it. You just need to see it. Trust.

That's funny because it's like you just described The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, which I just watched as well.

Well I'll definitely give it a shot then hehe.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Xeogred Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:50 pm

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From the moment BILL TOWER the electrician came in to the last part of his scene, when they set the dinner table with grandpa and the dog... I was in literal tears of joy.

Yes, House 2 is absolutely amazing.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Ack Thu Oct 20, 2016 4:50 pm

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21. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

Does that poster look cool to you? Well too bad, the movie's nothing like that.

I decided recently that I've been watching too many good movies, so I thought it would be best to watch something completely abhorrent, and man, did I succeed. Did I ever. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders is ostensibly a children's film, only one involving a douchebag store critic for the local newspaper and a psycho demon monkey doll. Both of these very different ideas are put together as two stories that Ernest Borgnine is making his bored grandson suffer through during a storm. At least I really hope that was his grandson.

Anyway, the stories focus on Merlin opening a trinket store in Southern California to make people believe in magic...or else. A lot of his stuff happens to kill people though, and he doesn't really explain how anything works, so truth be told it appears that really he's there to bumble around like he needs Metamucil and get everybody killed. Borgnine's stories then have Merlin give said douchebag his book of magic, which the douchebag uses and then accidentally turns himself into a baby after maybe talking to Satan in the mirror. In the second story, a thief steals Merlin's monkey with cymbals doll, which just so happens to be possessed by a demon to kill. In fact the second story is actually a totally different film that was recut and put into this film about what the world would be like under the threat of the toy from the Monkey Shines movie poster:

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This is actually a better movie.


I think this movie was supposed to be a fantasy film involving magic, only instead it went haywire somewhere along the way and added in fertility problems, a demon cat, a weird Freudian wet dream, dead pets, and the 1970s. All of it is delivered with acting that makes blue cheese deserve an Emmy, and both of our magical "heroes," Merlin and his...wife, look like they've both escaped the side of some guy's airbrushed van. You know the guy I'm talking about. The one who uses his sunglasses to offset his poorly kempt mullet and always thought he was cool, but deep down inside everybody really knows the truth. That guy's a loser. That's exactly what we're talking about here. This is the movie equivalent of that guy's van. Would you thrill to scenes of a bearded old dude in a robe asking ladies if they've seen his monkey? Because that totally happens.

About the only thing tolerable about this film is that it was terrible enough to end up appearing on Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which they promptly made fun of everything. I highly recommend that as being the best way to suffer through this one.

If however you like pain, well, the non-MST3K version can be streamed on Amazon Prime for free.

21/31

1. Late Phases
2. Ghoulies
3. Nightbeast
4. Tombs of the Blind Dead
5. Return of the Blind Dead
6. The Ghost Galleon
7. Night of the Seagulls
8. Chopping Mall
9. Bad Moon
10. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.
11. Dead Heat
12. Varan the Unbelievable
13. The Milpitas Monster
14. Shock
15. Kingdom of the Spiders
16. Ghoulies II
17. Waxwork
18. The Curse of the Werewolf
19. Island of Lost Souls
20. Child's Play
21. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by jp1 Thu Oct 20, 2016 7:20 pm

If you fellas do not VUDU already, you should sign up. They are now offering tons of free (ad supported) movies in 1080p. The horror section is pretty legit.

Also, if we have history and you want an invite to my personal library PM me.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by noiseredux Thu Oct 20, 2016 7:43 pm

jp1 wrote:If you fellas do not VUDU already, you should sign up. They are now offering tons of free (ad supported) movies in 1080p. The horror section is pretty legit.


I had no idea! I never browse outside the owned library haha.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Xeogred Thu Oct 20, 2016 8:44 pm

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Hurry! It's coming! The sheer overwhelmingly average mediocrity is going to get you!

I'd laugh at the fact that Donald Pleasence appears to be the star power returning to this one, but... you know, I think there was a lot of potential with Halloween. If they ditched the slasher shenanigans, and went ultra head deep into dense heavy noir mystery/detective stuff with Donald Pleasence's character chasing him down, that probably could have been cool.

But nah man, the grandfather of what started the 80's slasher formula, becomes a poor imitator itself. I remember my friend joking how the new masks continually look worse as the series goes. It even looked like it was a multitude of different masks throughout this one.

Overall, this just made me love The Prowler so much more for my October watch and something newer to compare it to. This was practically PG in comparison and felt like slashers for kids. The only interesting death was the hilarious forehead finger poke.

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The ending was hilarious, but I'm assuming they don't follow up on it at all.

I wish Michael Meyers vs Jason Voorhees would happen just so I can see Jason destroy him. There's no way he'd stand a chance.
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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by Michi Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:45 pm

The Gate II
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The Gate II opens with a much older looking Terry talking about opening the Gate in the previous movie, but than stating that they had gone about it all wrong. At some point since the last film, metal-loving Terry has been reading up on becoming a first-class demon summoner. Terry has set up an honest to goodness demon summoning circle in the wreckage that is Grant’s old house, preparing to summon the demons “properly” so he can use their power to make a wish. While in the middle of the ceremony, a trio of cliché 80s movie punks crash his party. But instead of beating his geeky, demon summoning ass, the punks join in on the wish-granting ritual.

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Kumbaya-ing around the demon circle is not how I expected this scene to go when they first showed up.

They manage to drag a minion over from the other side, but one of the punks freaks and shoots the little bugger as well as most of Terry’s summoning equipment. Terry takes the creature home and discovers that despite the seemingly fatal injury, the demon can miraculously heal itself. Terry and his new punk friend soon find out that the creature can grant wishes, but there’s one small catch to this glorious discovery. After a few hours, all their wishes turn to shit. And when I say that, I mean great steaming piles of actual shit.

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Well shi–.. I mean, damn.

Meanwhile, a trio of uber demon gods is taking advantage of the newly opened Gate by possessing some of the people who had made wishes in order to one again become all-powerful.

Gotta say, I was a little disappointed in this sequel. Most sequels try to improve on their predecessor in some way, but The Gate II sort of falls flat. There are fewer kids to terrorize. There are fewer scares. And there are fewer demons, to boot.

Instead of trying to one-up the previous movie with more demons, this film takes the opposite approach. In the first Gate, the little imp/gremlin/minion creatures were everywhere. They popped out of nowhere, chased you around and were legitimately creepy. This time there’s only one minion in the movie and his role has been reduced from mini-terror to comic relief.

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I went from biting peoples ankles to being fed Chinese food through a birdcage. What the hell happened? Where’s my agent?

The acting this go-round is all around better than the first one, but again the number of kids has been reduced to four. Of those four, only the woman manages to have a modicum of more depth beyond your typical horror movie clichés. The other three fall snuggly into geeky hero, a$$hole alpha-male and dopey sidekick. I must give them credit, though. Cliché though they may have been, they played their roles well. Especially the dopey sidekick, Moe. He was one of the best dopey sidekicks I’ve seen, so props to him for that.

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Thanks, I guess...

The biggest gripe I have with this movie is with the effects. This is another area the movie dropped the ball in. While the guy in the minion suit looked fine, the quality of stop-motion animation took an unfortunate dive. The quality of the molds didn’t seem to fare well either, nor did the makeup. All of this is a shame, as I felt the practical effects were the strongest point the first Gate had going for it.

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Overall, I’m kinda let down by this sequel. It starts off with a lot of promise, but quickly devolves after that. Much of what made the first film enjoyable has been downgraded or replaced. Much of the horror is gone, there are fewer monsters, the effects pale in comparison and the pacing is even worse than the last time. The acting may be better, but that doesn’t help improve the sluggish parts of the story. It has it’s moments of brilliance, but it’s probably best they ended this series when they did.

Only recommended to those who really liked The Gate and can somehow track down a copy of the out of print DVD or the VHS tape.


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Re: The 2016 October Horror Marathon

by noiseredux Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:04 pm

yes the Halloweens turn into a sort of imitation of themselves... but I do still love them. I'm weird though. H20 is a favorite even. :|
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