racketboy.com

I'm loving all these reviews Bone, I don't think I heard of any game you reviewed and after reading all of them I feel like I am much better for it. Are you going to try and play every crappy famicom game ever released? Will you at any point give yourself a break and play a great game or are you trying to push yourself to the brink of insanity.

I almost feel like you should do a youtube series of you playing these games, I'd watch it for sure.

Games Beaten 2019

Kentucky Route Zero Act 1 - PC
All Our Asias - PC
Shape of the World - Switch
Hidden Folks - PC
Hyrule Warriors - Wii U
Onrush - PS4
Assassin's Creed Origins - X1
Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown -360
Metro Exodus - PS4
Split/Second - 360 *new*

Total: 10

Previously: 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010

Split/Second is a game I started playing initially in 2010, when I made it about 25% of the way through the main single-player ("Season") mode. A few weeks ago I picked it up again and picked up where I left off...and am glad I did: Split/Second is arguably one the best arcade-style racers of the last generation, even if the back half of the game gets a little repetitive. It seems to pick up the PS2/X1/GCN-era Burnout torch that Burnout Paradise, despite its own awesomeness, never really captured.

Did anyone ever play much of the PSP port? Is it worth checking out?

pook99 wrote:I'm loving all these reviews Bone, I don't think I heard of any game you reviewed and after reading all of them I feel like I am much better for it. Are you going to try and play every crappy famicom game ever released? Will you at any point give yourself a break and play a great game or are you trying to push yourself to the brink of insanity.

I almost feel like you should do a youtube series of you playing these games, I'd watch it for sure.

Thanks. I promise I'm not trying to play "crappy" Famicom games. I'm just playing the ones I happen and own, and some have turned out to be questionable. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, but I'm having fun.

As for YouTube, I'm way too old, slow, and lazy for that sort of thing.

1. Ys III: Wanderers from Ys (Famicom)
2. Dragon Scroll: Yomigaerishi Maryuu (Famicom)
3. Ninja-kun: Majou no Bouken (Famicom)
4. Hello Kitty World (Famicom)
5. Galaxian (Famicom)
6. Esper Dream 2: Aratanaru Tatakai (Famicom)
7. Ninja Jajamaru-kun (Famicom)
8. Jajamaru no Daibouken (Famicom)
9. Front Line (Famicom)
10. Field Combat (Famicom)
11. Portopia Renzoku Satsujin Jiken (Famicom)
12. Mississippi Satsujin Jiken: Murder on the Mississippi (Famicom)
13. Space Harrier (Famicom)
14. Geimos (Famicom)
15. Attack Animal Gakuen (Famicom)
16. Sky Destroyer (Famicom)
17. Ripple Island (Famicom)
18. Oishinbo: Kyukyoku no Menu 3bon Syoubu (Famicom)
19. Bird Week (Famicom)
20. Baltron (Famicom)
21. Yie Ar Kung-Fu (Famicom)
22. Challenger (Famicom)
23. Ikki (Famicom)
24. Dough Boy (Famicom)
25. Atlantis no Nazo (Famicom)
26. Bio Senshi Dan: Increaser tono Tatakai (Famicom)
27. Yume Penguin Monogatari (Famicom)


Konami's 1991 release Yume Penguin Monogatari is in fact the third game to star the lovable Penta the Penguin, following the (very common) Antarctic Adventure and the (very rare) Penguin Adventure. While the initial Penta Adventure duo consisted of two similar simplistic multi-platform titles, Yume Penguin Monogatari is a vastly more complex platformer/shmup hybrid, developed exclusively for the Nintendo Family Computer.

In his first two outings, Penta was but a cutesy mascot, an avatar. Now, he's the hero of a much larger narrative. And what a ride it is. Apparently, Penta has some sort of binge-eating problem. He's swollen to an unacceptable size, prompting his longtime lover, Penko, to bail on the relationship. She shacks up with an alpha penguin named Ginji, but drops an ultimatum on Penta's feathery head: should he drop a few lbs. she'll consider taking him back. Ginji, apparently amused by the whole situation, decides to go along for the ride, though he warns that his "gang" lurks behind every corner, enticing Penta with an array of fattening treats. The story progresses along with the game, with cutscenes interspersed between each proper stage. Those who lack a working knowledge of Japanese will want to seek out the fan translation; this is not a tale to be missed.

During the platforming segments, pressing A causes Penta to jump while B unleashes his weight-dependent attack. By default, he utilizes a short-range kick. Should he put on too much weight, Penta becomes a penguin-shaped blob, with a pitiful jump range and belly-flop attack. If Penta manages to slim down sufficiently, he can fire a projectile from his beak. Current weight is represented by a meter at the screen's bottom. It is raised and lowered based on the food Penta consumes, naturally. To get slim, Penta must chug nutritional shakes. Obesity is triggered by consuming the food tossed by Ginji's gang... apples and rice balls. Seriously? Has Japan no concept of proper junk food? Maybe the game is an early anti-carb statement. Also note that the weight meter doubles as a traditional health meter. So, yes, according to the game's "logic" if Penta makes contact with an enemy he also gains a few pounds. Same goes for if he falls into a pit, whereupon he emerges massively heavy (waterlogged?). Calibrated directly above the weight/health meter is a heart, either broken or whole. This represents the weight threshold required for finishing a stage. Penta can technically "complete" a stage while too heavy (and brokenhearted), only to find himself scolded by Penko via landline phone, and sent back to the level's start. Mercifully, the game treats lives and continues as one and the same, and infinite chances are granted to complete each segment.

Shmup stages are auto-scrolling. The "rules" remain the same, though Penta now flies an airplane with one standard attack. Both the platforming and shoot 'em up sections impose a strict time limit upon the player; in addition to keeping his weight in check it's also important for Penta to grab clocks that will add seconds to the overall time limit. Shakes and clocks alike can occasionally be found lying about, though most are collected by defeating Ginji's thugs. All stages conclude with a boss showdown, replete with taunting dialogue about the poor penguin's physique. Bosses all follow a similar pattern: they move about and shoot waves of "bad" food at Penta. But there will be an occasional shake thrown into the mix, so it is still possible to complete a stage even if Penta initiated the boss battle while brokenhearted. It's extraordinarily difficult to best a boss if Penta enters the arena as a belly-flopper, however. Konami actually managed to sneak a "bad ending" into the game, in addition to the stock Game Over, if an overweight Penta manages to somehow defeat Ginji at the end.

Speaking of endings, the game unnecessarily pulls a Ghosts 'n Goblins. Rescue Penko successfully and she declares that it's time for a "second lap." Rescue here again and prepare for one of the most absurd and trollish game endings of all time. All said, even if we are to consider two loops, the game feels oddly short, with only six unique stages total. The cutscenes and world map tease the player into thinking an epic journey is about to commence, but then things wrap up almost as soon as they begin. No saves or passwords, naturally.

This is a Konami cartridge, so top-notch mechanics and graphics are to be expected. Yume Penguin Monogatari is a gorgeous game. It's one of the most colorful Famicom experiences, boasting an array of memorable scenes. Penta scales a giant frosted cake, waddles along the seashore, cruises through Ancient Egypt, and of course makes a visit to Antarctica itself. The accompanying music is whimsical, upbeat, and silly, if not particularly memorable. It's impossible not to dig those sound effects though, ripped straight from Contra. Controls are smooth as ice (ha), though being demoted to a weaker state after taking damage can get especially annoying in some of those more cluttered stages. Makes me think that the developers were fans of Gradius.

Aside from some passing cameos, this is sadly Penta's last big appearance. And what a note to end on. While Yume Penguin Monogatari feels a tad underdeveloped, the utterly bizarre premise and top-notch Konami production values make it a worthwhile experience. I certainly can't think of another game dedicated to binging birds.

That's a game I've been wanting for a while, glad to hear it's as good as it looks to be!

You'd enjoy it.

I didn't mention this in my post, but it's on the "expensive" side... Around $30 or so for a cart-only copy.

I think I need a break from the Famicom.

First, that game looks great, and I love the concept. Not enough games are about weight loss. (It’s hard!) I’m happy you finally beat it.

Also, fun fact, my Konami Pixel Puzzle game taught me that Penta was the mascot for the Konami Game Master, which is basically a Game Genie for the MSX:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konami_Game_Master

Nice. Konami was known for making good use of the double cartridge slots of the MSX.

Games Beaten in 2019 So Far - 17
* denotes a replay

January (12 Games Beaten)


February (2 Games Beaten)


March (3 Games Beaten)


17. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Remastered - PlayStation 4 - March 10



Call of Duty 4 was the first game in the series that feels truly modern not just in setting but in overall design. Being one of the most popular games in the series, it's since been remastered for the current generation of consoles which is the version that I played most recently. Before I get into the actual review, since it has nothing to do with the game itself but rather the idiots who name these games and the dudebro fuckboys playing them, let me just vent for a moment. Everyone these days seems to assume that when I say "Modern Warfare," I mean Black Ops IIII. Like, bitch, no. If I meant Black Ops 4, I'd have said Black Ops 4. There's only game that was titled "Call of Duty 4." Don't blame me for the fact that you're too stupid to tell the difference between a title and a subtitle. Furthermore, does no one at Activision have any understanding of the most basic Roman numerals? "IIII" isn't a thing. Yes, symmetry for cover art, I get it. That doesn't make it any less stupid than saying that the number after ten is "zeroteen." The Roman numeral for "4" is "IV," not friggin' "IIII." Seriously guys, it's not that hard. It's one thing if you don't know Roman numerals for some number like 5372, but 4? Seriously? You can't even figure that one out? Sorry - actually, nevermind, I'm not sorry - but shit like that pisses me off.



Okay, so here's where the unpopular opinions come into play. I don't think Modern Warfare is the best campaign in the series, and I don't think it's even close to the best multiplayer in the series. It's a good campaign, but it falls way short of all three Black Ops games (since the Black Ops 4, in addition to screwing up basic Roman numerals, went the way of the fuckboi and omitted the campaign entirely in favor of just-another-Fortnite-slash-PUBG-rip-off battle royale), Advanced Warfare, Infinite Warfare, Call of Duty, and Call of Duty 2. As for the multiplayer, again, it's good, but doesn't come close to Black Ops III, Ghosts (oof, there's a really unpopular thing - saying literally anything positive about Ghosts), or WWII even with the modern remaster. The campaign, however, is definitely the part of the game with which I have the biggest issues since most of my issues with the multiplayer are super subjective and rather vague since I don't usually waste my time on FPS multiplayer.



Okay, let's dig into my plethora of problems with the campaign. First off, everyone knows (or should know) that the golden rule of writing is "Show, don't tell." That's not quite applicable to writing a script for a video game, at least not in the same way. When you're doing something as basic as establishing the setting for your game, yes, you need to show, but you also need to tell. Don't just have a map quickly zoom in on what geographically-savvy people know is Oaxaca, Mexico and then proceed to spend the entire game just calling it "Central America" and having every character be short, overweight, wear a massive sombrero, and eat tacos throughout every mission. That's basically what Modern Warfare does. They may zoom in on what some folks know is Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, or Iran in the second or two of world-map visible in the loading screens, but they never call the setting anything other than "Middle East," and every single enemy is a walking caricature of stereotypes that Americans hold about Arabs. And it's not like this was a stylistic choice - in the other part of the game, they not only say "Hey guys, the country you're fighting in is Russia," but they sometimes specify regions of Russia. Like, whose sales are you afraid of losing? Do you really have that many customers in Yemen, Iran, and Oman? I get it, we're all terrified of anger the desert boogymen (/s), but seriously, this is not acceptable when it's something as fundamental as your story's setting. And maybe I just missed something - I was drunk through a chunk of my playthrough - but I'm still not 100% sure why the Russian ultranationalists and the people from Nonamestan were allies. Did they just want to make the Russians and the Muslims work together for the sake of putting the two groups Americans are the most irrationally terrified of in the same game? Regardless of the "why," Modern Warfare is a prime example of bad narrative set-up.



So now that we've established I have absolutely zero respect for the writing here, I guess I can address the actual gameplay in the campaign. It's good. Honestly, the gameplay in the campaign mode is more than half the reason I'm giving this game a good score at all. For as suck as the writing was, the gameplay direction was spot on. Most of the game is your standard FPS affair, but there's enough variety to keep anything from getting stale. Sometimes you've got a whole squad to back you up, and you're gunning your way through a town. Sometimes it's just you and your homie on a stealth missions DEEP behind enemy lines. Sometimes you're trying to get to a specific point as quickly as possible. One mission has you control the guns on an AC-130 and turn enemies on the ground into meat paste from long range. Some missions are long whereas some are super short and serve only to show story progression. Honestly, I have complaints with almost every aspect of the campaign, but the one aspect for which I have nothing but praise is the mission design and variety. It's an exemplar of what a modern military shooter's design should be.



I don't know how much of an improvement the game's visuals will be for most folks, but consider that my first playthrough was on Wii at 480i over composite, and this second playthrough was at 2160p over HDMI, it scarcely even looked like the same game to me. I never played COD4 in HD, so going from SD straight UHD was like putting on glasses for the first time. Everything looked so crisp, clear, and photorealistic. I'm not an audiophile, so didn't really notice a big improvement in sound, but that's just not the type of thing I'd typically notice. Regardless, though, Modern Warfare Remastered holds up as a model template of what a remaster should be - keep the game itself as unchanged as possible while polishing every aspect of it that you can.



Call of Duty 4 - be it the original release or the remaster - is definitely not even close to the best game in the series, but it is an excellent FPS title nonetheless. If you're not a fan of the genre, there's not a whole lot here - the writing is questionable, the multiplayer gets really stale really fast due to the repetitive nature of the genre - but the level design and mechanics of the game are really polished and well designed. I'm on the edge here with the score I'm giving it, but I'm going to err on the side of a higher score because of how truly well designed the single player missions are. If you're into shooters, I definitely recommend checking this one out.

I didn't even know COD4 was getting remastered. I figured it had just been forgotten.

IIII does get used on clocks though.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/24578/why-do-some-clocks-use-roman-numeral-iiii