Jobs you originally liked/got burnt out/when to quit?

[MrPopo]

I did not realize what a monumental asshole my boss's boss (the provost) was.

The title should have been a giveaway. The word "provost" does not conjure up feelings of "easygoing".

[racketboy]

Thanks for the input, commentary, and anecdotes, everyone!

My situation is definitely not as extreme as bmoc and PretentiousHipster.
(and I greatly appreciate the candor and vulnerability of sharing those stories)

I'm self-aware enough to know that many of my struggles are internal.
I have high expectations of a laid-back environment and solid manager that suits me well. (I've had a handful of great managers in my 25 year career)

My current boss is the type that has good intentions and thinks of themselves as a "good boss", but is rather out of touch on things and has some cringe-worthy moments. Not quite Michael Scott/David Brent, but ya know...

It doesn't help that she definitely plays favorites with those that are officially full-time and do most of their work in the office. But that's the known downside of mostly remote work.
It also doesn't help that I'm the only male employee aside from a couple of dance instructors (the employment situation is not the same with them anyway).

I'm not looking to move. We built our house here (after just moving around the corner) just a couple years ago and my wife has a good job in town she enjoys.
It's a "small city" -- far from perfect, but I really like it here overall.

I have been casually looking for jobs off and on when things get annoying. I looked a lot during COVID (was technically on unemployment for a while too)
I applied for a bunch then and actually interviewed for some. I've been looking at some listings more recently, but I'm rather picky --- looking for mostly remote or local (local is tricky in a smallish city). Even if I work local, I don't want to have to go in all the time.

Oh, I should elaborate here. We've been a homeschool family since COVID times. My wife is a nurse and has shifts a couple of times a week, so I "sub in" on those days. So I need that flexibility.

Ultimately, I'm hoping to produce enough income with freelance design work (or some other freelance gig) and the RB site (which doesn't make a whole lot -- especially since I keep advertising minimal, but every little bit helps).

So anyway, sometimes I feel like I'm really spoiled. I took a relatively low-paying job because I loved the work and the laid back/flexible environment. Most of the benefits remain, but the new boss has cramped the "laid back" aspect a bunch. Last year, she wanted me to "come into the office" for like half of my hours, but I just pushed back on that since there's no office for me and I have a very nice office at home (and I own all my own equipment). Fortunately, she's let up on that concept.

She knows I'm talented and care. But I don't think she realizes how much of a difference my work actually makes. But I think I have enough leverage to call some shots.

More context on my newer teammate: (some of you may know this first part) the company I started and ran with my ex-wife was quite successful for a while. Long-story-short, my ex-wife and I worked together on the business for about 6 years after our divorce, but we hit a breaking point and I left in early 2017. The company gradually went downhill after I left and finally went into shut-down mode early this year. Even though she started there after I left, my new teammate was well-regarded with my old co-workers (whom I stayed on good terms with). I was getting burned out at the 40+ hours mark at my current place, so I hired her to help me regain my sanity. Fast-forwarding a bit, she's worked out really well, but is still young. As mentioned before, we both do freelance stuff. We have very complementary skills and we've already dabbled in some collaboration on our freelance projects. I think there's some professional collaboration prospects in the future too. So on a personal and professional level, I would like to keep that relationship healthy. (to be clear, I've very happily remarried for 11 years with 2 kids, so don't get any ideas based on the co-worker "relationship" part)

After taking in some of your thoughts and my existing ones, I will...
* plan on looking into other jobs more often.
* open up more to my teammate about our goals and how to obtain them in the work environment
* once the two of get a feel for our goals and tactics, we can lay our game plan out to the boss. This may be where I lay out the extra boundaries and such
* the goal is that I continue to reduce my hours and use that time to reach out to more connections about possible freelance referrals (tricky as its a small city and lots of my connections also know my boss, so I have to tread lightly and word things carefully)
* once a bit of time passes and I feel that I have enough cushion, I can bring up the pay raise (which I also planned to reduce hours to essentially keep her budget similar)
* if she doesn't go for the raise, then it will just be more motivation to depart, but at that point, I should be more prepared.


Side questions:
* does anybody have experience/tips for searching for part-time remote work? It seems like it's extra challenging despite the shift to more remote work... (more applicants now too, I guess)

Anyway, thanks for putting up with me on here. I realize some of my situation is quite privileged.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but partially wanting to vent and also see if anyone has tips for handling the emotions and strategy....

[Ziggy]

First off, don't feel like you have to apologize for not having a punch the clock 40 hour a week job. You work part time from home, but you are also helping to raise your children and run a household. It would be too easy to simply look for a full time non-remote job, then hire a nanny or whatever. I think what you're doing is the HARDER but MORE ADMIRABLE choice. So no need to apologize or feel like you're privileged. Don't get me wrong, either of those choices has its pros and cons, but if you can make it work, then being at home more to raise your kids is the better choice.

I'm self-aware enough to know that many of my struggles are internal.

That's great! A lot of people aren't and blame other people.

When I'm getting frustrated at a job, I like to look back and remember times in the past that I was angry at a job. When I think back to a job from 5 years ago, 10 years ago, etc, I can sometimes look at the things that bothered me and realize that it wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, I've had many things in past jobs that WERE worth getting upset about. But getting frustrated at the day to day nonsense, I can sometimes look back and wonder why I was so mad about it. My point is, you might be mad about a particular thing in the present, but a few years from now you might feel like that sort of thing wouldn't bother you. It sometimes helps to calm me down when I'm getting mad about something in the now, as if 5 years from now a more mature version of myself wouldn't get mad about it. Of course, it doesn't always help, but it's neat when it does!

It doesn't help that she definitely plays favorites with those that are officially full-time and do most of their work in the office. But that's the known downside of mostly remote work.
It also doesn't help that I'm the only male employee aside from a couple of dance instructors (the employment situation is not the same with them anyway).

Feeling like an outsider, or like you're being excluded from a high school clique, is never a good thing. It's a very bad environment to be in.

I have been casually looking for jobs off and on when things get annoying.

I've definitely been there before! But you should really look often, not just when you get pissed enough at your job LOL. During the times when you're feeling, "This isn't so bad," is when the PERFECT job posting might go up.

More context on my newer teammate:

You know your teammate and employer best, so use your judgement with this. And I say that because sometimes it's very bad for an employer to catch wind that you're thinking about leaving. I've worked for a company that when you put in your 2 weeks notice you might be fired on the spot LOL. Anyway, if you feel close enough and comfortable enough with your teammate, and you feel they are trustworthy to keep it to themselves (if this is necessary), then you could try being open with her about what's going on with you. Explain your situation and how you feel ( basically as you have in this thread), and there may be a time when you leave the company and so you'd like to make sure she's in a good spot if and when you do.

My job that I left in 2020, I briefly explained that I felt bad leaving my guys in the deep end. But I knew for years that it was only a matter of time before I left. Being in charge of them, I couldn't really share that with them. But I did my best to make sure they knew everything I did.

does anybody have experience/tips for searching for part-time remote work? It seems like it's extra challenging despite the shift to more remote work... (more applicants now too, I guess)

Searching the usual places for job postings, it might take a long while before you find your perfect job. In addition to that, you might consider going through a recruiter as well. There's things like Zip Recruiter, but also look into if there's a local recruiter around you (do those still exist?).

I'll also add in regards to hunting for job postings, you don't always have to limit yourself to applying to the ones that are the best of the best. Me personally, a lot of times if I catch any subtle things in the posting that is off putting to me I wont even apply. But I realize I'm limiting myself by doing that. You CAN go on an interview even if you're unsure about the job. The interview isn't just the company interviewing you, you are also interviewing them. Ask questions about any detail of the job that you know would concern (bother) you. Ask about the company's atmosphere and culture (and gauge reactions because they wont ever tell you about how some people don't get along). And be completely transparent and upfront with your wants and goals. The worst that can happen is you waste a few hours. You may know this already, but having been the person that has interviewed candidates, too many people don't know this. And the ones that do really stick out in a good way. It also helps to start off a good relationship between an employer and employee. If you are upfront about where you want to be in 5 years (or whatever) as far as job and pay, you will be unlikely to be in a situation that you are now. Either they wont hire you in the first place because you career and salary goals were not what they wanted (and this is a good thing) or they are accepting of your goals, which is obviously a good thing.

[prfsnl_gmr]

First off, don't feel like you have to apologize for not having a punch the clock 40 hour a week job. You work part time from home, but you are also helping to raise your children and run a household. It would be too easy to simply look for a full time non-remote job, then hire a nanny or whatever. I think what you're doing is the HARDER but MORE ADMIRABLE choice. So no need to apologize or feel like you're privileged. Don't get me wrong, either of those choices has its pros and cons, but if you can make it work, then being at home more to raise your kids is the better choice.

Agree 100%. Great post, ziggy.

[racketboy]

Thank you both -- that means a lot.
And, honestly, that's a lot of drives my pushing for flexibility. I'm always very upfront about it with anybody I work with.

And thanks for the searching advice -- will keep in mind and I welcome additional thoughts as well!

And yes, I can relate to how things do seem much less of a big deal with time passing.
Most of the times I wanted to leave jobs in the past, it was more to do with being really bored or just not having enough interesting work.
(And now, I wouldn't mind having those actual jobs back, but in a part-time remote situation -- and now, a decade or more later, they could have totally been remote work and I could have gotten most of the work done in far less than 40 hours.)

The exception is with my Ex -- I loved the job and the other people I worked with, but I struggled with her and "consultants" she brought in.

I thought going to the non-profit world would get me away from more of the "drama", but I guess I was rather naive with that....

[bmoc]

And thanks for the searching advice -- will keep in mind and I welcome additional thoughts as well!

If you have a LinkedIn profile, you may want to consider turning on "Open to Work" and let the recruiters come to you. I know plenty of folks that have landed gigs that way.

Just try not to get discouraged when you are searching. There can be many reasons why you don't get picked even if you ace an interview. Internal hires/promotions are a big factor there. Companies will often go through the motions of a full candidate search even when they have someone in mind.

I thought going to the non-profit world would get me away from more of the "drama", but I guess I was rather naive with that....

Nonprofits definitely have their share of drama and politics. They can still be rewarding if you find a good one. Don't count them out! Even at my last job, I had a lot of good years.

[racketboy]

Yeah, at least I've had a couple of interviews over the last couple of years -- it's been good practice.
I've also been on the other side of the table, so I know the mindsets pretty well, but everyone is different

So this morning, I sent messages to a couple of my contacts. One was one of my early freelance clients. She had taken a Chief Marketing Officer role at a nearby university a year or so. I just gave her a heads-up that I was thinking of changing to more of a freelance route and if she ever needed anything or had people to refer me to, I'm game for it.
She responded pretty quickly with interest and invited me to email her with my rates.
I had sent her a LinkedIn message since I didn't have her new work email -- LinkedIn is good for something!

So trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it's nice to have some interest -- especially from somebody that I enjoyed working with before.

[racketboy]

One thought I had on leadership/management....

I think it goes a really long way if a manager doesn't act like they are better/superior than their reports.
If they subtlety act like they are all just team members trying to accomplish the same thing it goes a LONG way.

Not to be confused with trying to be a "friend" or a "family", but just having mutual respect for people.
When it's not the case, It's all the more demoralizing when you're a very experienced and reliable worker.

Not trying to brag or anything, but I literally ran a company with 40+ team members while I was there.
I hired most a lot of them myself and those that I didn't were most likely hired by somebody I did hire.
But I always felt weird calling them "my employees". Even when I talked to random people, I always referred to them as my co-workers or teammates.

[Anapan]

I'm late to respond, and don't have much to contribute. I'm glad you asked us for advice, and I hope I can contribute a bit with my own experiences.

When I've transitioned between jobs, I've always been completely transparent, and my superiors were always disappointed and at the same time encouraging. They were all good leaders and we were friends, all working toward a common goal. Granted, they were mostly short term jobs, but I always felt that I would be hard to replace. Probably I wasn't; Lots of talented people are everywhere, it's just hard to convince a talented person to take a pay cut. All the most enjoyable jobs I had were low paying, and I miss the carefree aspects and rewarding end result - labor complete and picture-perfect product. All the best jobs were, and are very challenging, but require experience and responsibility. Having the experience from the jobs I did, I was recognized and given more responsibility. Now I'm a lead-hand, and usually positioned in what my employers call "critical path". I train and guide other union brothers and sisters to help us all get the most difficult parts of the job done safely and efficiently. I'm not cut out for management, I cannot tell people to do things well, and I would not be able to deal with unproductive, ornery, angry non-workers. My foremen do that. They're payed a lot more than I am. I know how to do the things they ask me to do.

Clearly, you're well experienced, and well talented for many positions in your pick of the possible companies you might like to work for. I think the things you accomplish and are capable of are a sought-after and valuable skill. Also it's transferrable to many other situations. Managing a large group of people to accomplish a difficult task is so intricate and full of interactions with different people, that I would never want to be in that situation.

It might seem that I'm putting shade on the good work you're doing for the charities and benefits your company does, but to me, my immediate and extended family comes first, and there's a great need to make everything more comfortable for them. I put myself in a position that I can do my best to always increase or, at least maintain all of our quality of life. Here in Canada, meat tripled in price and gas...

No matter what, your experience is worth a lot. I don't know market values, but I've worked under a lot of different management, and a good leader is integral for any company to function, let alone prosper, and unless they're being paid top rate, they're nearly non existent.

Linkedin is really annoying.

[marurun]

If you have good marketing and design skills, have you thought of, instead of simply freelancing, starting a small business and taking on clients via that route? You've clearly had experience starting a business before. And you know at least one other talented individual (your current co-worker) who also thrives in that field. You could take contracts for work and maintain flexibility by outsourcing to freelancers yourself in certain cases. One of my wife's friends started out on his own as a music therapist and started his private practice, but also hired freelancers to provide additional services. And now he's transitioned to a full-time job for a hospital but has kept his private practice open by basically subcontracting the work. He found the fill-time job accorded him better stability and flexibility for his family and that his private practice requires minimal attention to maintain since others are actually doing the work.