Join in on our classic gaming club!
User avatar
BoneSnapDeez
Next-Gen
 
Posts: 18840
Joined: Mon May 02, 2011 1:08 pm
Location: Maine

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by BoneSnapDeez Thu May 23, 2019 1:45 pm

Oh man Famicom Valis suuuuuucccckkkks. It attempts to do the Metroidvania thing... but instead of a giant cohesive mappable world featuring smooth horizontal and vertical scrolling, we're treated to a level-based hellscape where you must travel all around via "warps." Here's a level one map (from GameFAQs, nothing like this is provided in-game). It just gets worse after this.
Image
User avatar
Ack
Moderator
 
Posts: 20793
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Thu May 23, 2019 1:58 pm

Gotta say, Bone, I am struggling to comprehend what I am seeing, and I'm usually pretty good with game maps. That is painful.
Image
Image
I have a movie review website now: https://moviereviewsbyamook.com/
User avatar
Ack
Moderator
 
Posts: 20793
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Thu May 23, 2019 3:50 pm

Any of you playing a game that people once thought was good, but upon returning you discover it's actually quite terrible?

After a brief chat with Prfsnl, he and I agree that the original Shadow Warrior is just such a game!

Why do I say this? Well, I will give an example: at the start of the third level, I entered a giant palace to be greeted by repeated fart sounds and Lo Wang complaining in pidgin English of a smell. I then saw a place to blow a hole in the ceiling, so I did. Once up in the secret room, I discover the source of the fart noises: a naked anime lady standing in front of a toilet. Upon interaction, Lo Wang makes a sex joke about her diarrhea, and she promptly shoots a gun at me. I kill her and flush the crap-filled toilet for a pair of night-vision goggles.

This is Shadow Warrior. At least I didn't have to hear a "Confucius say" joke. That happens whenever I get a health power-up.
Image
Image
I have a movie review website now: https://moviereviewsbyamook.com/
User avatar
prfsnl_gmr
Next-Gen
 
Posts: 10079
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:26 pm
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Thu May 23, 2019 4:10 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

YES! That sounds awful! Is there really a “Confucius say” joke every time you get a power up?
User avatar
Ack
Moderator
 
Posts: 20793
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Thu May 23, 2019 4:37 pm

Absolutely. The big health power-ups are even fortune cookies, and they display Confucius jokes like "Man standing on toilet is high on pot," lucky numbers for the lotto, or even the 3D Realms address in text at the bottom of the screen every time you grab one as Lo Wang shouts, "Ancient Chinese secret!"
Image
Image
I have a movie review website now: https://moviereviewsbyamook.com/
User avatar
BoneSnapDeez
Next-Gen
 
Posts: 18840
Joined: Mon May 02, 2011 1:08 pm
Location: Maine

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by BoneSnapDeez Thu May 23, 2019 5:57 pm

Ack wrote:Gotta say, Bone, I am struggling to comprehend what I am seeing, and I'm usually pretty good with game maps. That is painful.


I mean, I use the term "warps" literally as there's no consistency to any of it. For instance, from the start if you go left to "A" you end up on the right side of a new screen.

Or, imagine you head right from the start and walk off the screen at "B." You emerge from a door on another screen!

At least have doors lead to doors and screen edges lead to screen edges! Good Lord.

I've read that the later stages feature one-way warps. Barf.

There are in-game maps but they're "abstract" to the point of being totally worthless.

EDIT: This game is hot garbage. Spent over an hour wandering around stage two. It's massive, with the aforementioned one-way warps, plus endless looping areas. Oh, and hidden passages. Worse, the game requires you start building an inventory at this point, so you gotta collect items.

Even GameFAQs couldn't help me. I ended up in some underground area where the enemies were tougher and I bit the dust. The game treats lives and continues as one and the same. But when you die you gotta start the whole level over. Checkpoints? What are those? Also, no saves or passwords. The game is like Rygar or Bio Senshi Dan where you're expected to chip away at it, memorize it, and then dedicate an entire afternoon to rolling through it.

Well ya know what.... I'm not going to. This game is abysmal and I don't want to spend another minute with it. It's one of the worst Famicom games I've ever played - which is saying a lot. Right "up there" with Valkyrie no Bouken. Both are worse than any localized NES game I've played, for whatever that's worth.
User avatar
Ack
Moderator
 
Posts: 20793
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Sat May 25, 2019 12:30 pm

I beat Shadow Warrior. The middle section of the game has some generally decent level design, but the whole thing starts poorly and ends poorly. Hiding necessary switches and keys behind secrets is bad level design, and when you give me a puzzle, and the main character declares he would rather shoot things than solve puzzles, just know that I am thinking it too.

I've moved onto the expansions, and do you know what they throw at me? Freaking land mines. As in one-shot death if I'm too close when they go off land mines. Because that's conducive to this type of FPS.
Image
Image
I have a movie review website now: https://moviereviewsbyamook.com/
User avatar
MrPopo
Moderator
 
Posts: 22506
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:01 pm
Location: Orange County, CA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by MrPopo Sat May 25, 2019 4:13 pm

My favorite bullshit secret to pass was the ladder hidden in the fireplace.
Image
Games Beaten: 2015 2016 2017 2018
Blizzard Entertainment Software Developer - All comments and views are my own and not representative of the company.
User avatar
Ack
Moderator
 
Posts: 20793
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Sat May 25, 2019 4:50 pm

Yeah, that one took me a bit, though the longest by far was the secret door switch hidden in the back of the toilet in the second level. It took me half an hour to find it.
Image
Image
I have a movie review website now: https://moviereviewsbyamook.com/
User avatar
prfsnl_gmr
Next-Gen
 
Posts: 10079
Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:26 pm
Location: Charlotte, North Carolina

Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Sat May 25, 2019 5:42 pm

Ordered some games from Japan last night, Bone. I passed on Valis Fantasm Soldier based almost entirely based on your review, I did get Super Monkey Daibouken, though, :lol:

Ack...I’m glad to see you’re able to fit in some truly awful games this month. They sound so, so bad. You’re inspiring me, I may try to fit in one more terrible game myself!
Return to Together Retro

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest