I had a busy weekend.
8. Chopping MallYou know what I like? Horror movies with capable protagonists. That is what I love about Chopping Mall. Eight teenagers get trapped in the mall with a trio of killer security robots. What do they do? They stock up on firearms, use propane tanks to improvise booby traps, and turn gasoline containers into makeshift firebombs. They try to figure out how to get around the robots to escape or shut them down. They set up traps to trick the robots and survive. Yes, they occasionally let their emotions get the better of them, and many of them get killed as a result, but they're not morons. I found them worth rooting for.
Chopping Mall is not a perfect movie at all. There are a lot of weird oddities to it, like why the killer robots suddenly have laser cannons and why nobody thought that maybe lightning could mess with the transformer which they stuck on the roof. But it's an entertaining romp through the mall, it knows exactly what kind of movie it is, and it has fun with honoring some B-film greats in the nasty pizza restaurant. I had a blast watching it.
9. Bad MoonUnfortunately the same can not be said for this werewolf movie from Eric Red, writer of such greats as The Hitcher and Near Dark. In this film, a journalist named Ted in Nepal runs afoul of a giant wolfman, which murders his girlfriend and claws him up in the midst of the movie's sole sex scene. Ted returns to the US and then moves to his sister's place after a few months. However his sister has a dog named Thor who immediately knows that something is amiss.
This results in a feud between the werewolf and the German Shepherd, which sounds good on paper but doesn't work in execution because I don't believe a 100-pound vicious dog can so easily take a 300-pound vicious werewolf which has been shown to pick people up with one hand and toss them around like rag dolls. And while the practical effects for ripped flesh and werewolf jaws are quite good, this movie unfortunately suffers from mid-90s CG effects, leading to one of the worst transformations I can think of.
Also note, the main antagonist Ted's motivations feel a bit weird. Sometimes he seems like he doesn't want to hurt people and wants to solve his problems. Then he goes full homicidal on his own family because...what? Because love doesn't stop him from being a werewolf? Ugh.
Nice dog though.
10. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.Ah, comedy horror. This movie is terrible, but it's ridiculously, hilariously terrible. I love CHUD 2. I know I have bad taste. I don't care. CHUD 2 is hilariously awful and awfully hilarious. It's incredibly stupid, it knows it, and it runs with it. Laugh at the CHUDs behavior. Thrill to its theme song(not as good as Are You Ready for Freddy, but it's up there). Have a blast with Robert Vaughn in my second favorite of his movie roles. Sure, it doesn't beat Pootie Tang, but nothing beats Pootie Tang. Pootie Tang is a modern American masterpiece. Suck it, Citizen Kane.
Basically a couple of teens lose a cadaver for a biology class, so they sneak into a hospital and steal a top secret military bio-weapon, a CHUD named Bud. Bud wakes up in a bathtub after getting electrocuted with a hair dryer, and suddenly the teens think they're onto Weird Science. Unfortunately for them Bud is a bit more interested in eating brains, converting the townsfolk into his brethren, and falling in love. This leads to marvelous moments such as a CHUD poodle mauling a postman, awful CHUD dance moves, and even a subtle guest appearance by Robert Englund. Also one scared little girl who thinks she is having a nightmare, and an ending that would make Joe Dante weep with joy for how much everyone loves the movie Gremlins.
God bless you, CHUD 2, you glorious piece of trash.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYmjf7-S1eE