2. Pengo (Atari 2600)
3. Kirby's Epic Yarn (Wii)
4. Knights of Xentar (PC)
5. Hoshi o Sagashite... (Mark III)
6. Dead Zone (Famicom Disk System)
7. Samurai Sword (Famicom Disk System)
8. High School! Kimengumi (Mark III)
9. Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom (NES)
I can't review Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom without feeling like a bit of a hypocrite. All of those annoying idiosyncrasies of Japanese adventure games -- the lack of clues, the trial and error item usage, the slipshod navigation -- it's all here in spades. But I can't help but love this. It's just so persistently charming and delightful. Plus, the characters are anthropomorphic vegetables and fruits. That helps.
Princess Tomato was released on the NES in North America in 1991, though the Famicom cartridge appeared a few years prior. The game's history is even deeper than that, however. See, Princess Tomato is cut from the same cloth as E.V.O. and Crystal Beans (common titles surely everyone has played), as it straddles that line between sequel and remake. Princess Tomato is in fact based on an earlier Japanese computer title called Sarada no Kuni no Tomato Hime. While both games feature the same characters and plot, Princess Tomato boasts all new graphics and swaps out the text parser in favor of a console-friendly menu system. (Sarada no Kuni no Tomato Hime is worth a look though, if only to gaze upon the bizarre character art that appears to have been crafted in MS Paint.)
The game wastes no time in establishing its plot. Princess Tomato has (surprise surprise) been kidnapped, by the nefarious Minister Pumpkin. The kingdom's benevolent ruler, King Broccoli (who's strangely now dead according to the prologue), sends out his most valiant knight, Sir Cucumber, to retrieve the princess from the Zucchini Mountains. Meanwhile, the once peaceful Salad Kingdom is being terrorized by Minister Pumpkin's minions, who are known as "Farmies" (sounds like some bad 4chan slang). Sir Cucumber is far from alone in his quest. During the first few minutes of gameplay he encounters Percy, a small and adorable persimmon, who becomes a sidekick. When NPCs aren't present, much of game's dialogue consists of conversations between Cucumber and Percy, which proves to be exponentially more entertaining than the standard narration.
One thing that quickly becomes apparent is how meaty (not literally) of a game Princess Tomato is. Even with a walkthrough, it takes several hours to traverse the Salad Kingdom. As for those who dare to approach this tale without any outside help, a week's vacation and the patience of a monk is all but required. This tale is broken up into nine chapters. A password is provided between each, which allows one to quit the game and resume later. This is marginally sufficient, though some of the later chapters (especially the eighth) are absolutely huge and almost it's unfeasible to think that a first-time player could roll through one of these in a single sitting. Though clearly a Japanese adventure title, it's easy to spot some Western influence in the game's design. There are numerous dead ends, red herrings, worthless items, useless NPCs, and optional areas that never need visiting. Contrast this to the typical Portopia formula of the era, where the player was expected to visit every screen, speak to every NPC, and collect every item -- in the correct order. That said, there's no way to "die" within the Salad Kingdom. It's easy to get stuck, and a serious mistake can cause the player to lose some progress, but Game Over is essentially nonexistent.
The game's main menu consists of fourteen commands, which I'd say is a tad excessive. I have no idea why Japanese developers were so intent on having separate "look" and "check" options (if you check something aren't you inherently looking at it as well?). In any event, it's fun to experiment, as unneeded commands can often elicit humorous responses from the Salad Kingdom's inhabitants. There's even a "praise" option to flatter the cuter of the vegetables; it only needs to be used a couple of times to complete the game, but it's amusing to bat eyelashes at anyone and everyone. Percy has his own dedicated command, should one wish to witness some impromptu chitchat between him and Sir Cucumber. Tiny little Percy calls Cucumber "Boss" and unfortunately never doles out any hints; instead he provides some comic relief or expresses confusion. Navigation is done by selecting the "move" command and then a subsequent direction, though it's a bit cumbersome. The game eschews cardinal directions in favor of more "descriptive" terms, but it just makes things more confusing. For instance, "go back" seems like it would take the player to whatever room they were in previously, but the command is actually more in line with "head back towards the stage entrance." Also, some areas don't even show up until certain conditions are met. The game is fond of "triggers" -- for instance, a room might not appear until an NPC tells you "there's a so-and-so room over there." Getting information from the various plants often requires an entire series of conversations. Moreover, some plants don't give up the goods until you've spoken to them, exited their dwellings, and then returned to speak to them again. Classic adventure game "refreshing."
What buoys the game out of potential mediocrity and frustration are the hilarious and personable fruits, vegetables, fungi, and nuts encountered along the journey. There's even a beautiful human woman, who is inexplicably Princess Tomato's sister(?!). Everyone is unique and has a story to tell. There's a drunk grape (get it?), classy club-going citrus, hostile banana bunches, even a thicc showering orange (Cucumber and Percy can spy on her... dat citric acid). Specific scenarios are hilarious as well. My personal favorite is the result of the North American localization. At one point in the game, Sir Cucumber and Percy are meant to obtain a pack of cigarettes, and then find a book of matches in the trash. A lit cigarette is later slipped to a prisoner through the bars of his cell door. As this was obviously too intense of a situation for American gamers, the cigarette and matches have been swapped out for coffee and donuts. This means that the boys willfully pluck a donut from a bathroom garbage can, and then give it to a prisoner, who proceeds to devour it Costanza style. There's a sort of espionage subplot to the game as well. Thanks to some purloined credentials, Cucumber and Percy are able to convince various folks that they are in fact allied with the dastardly Farmies. This doesn't always work, however, and leads to some serious consequences. At other points in the adventure, the duo have issues aligning themselves with suspicious Resistance members. For a game starring a bunch of walking talking greenery, the storyline's more interesting than it has any right to be.
Visually, this one holds up nicely. Images are "stills" (no animation) but pleasantly drawn. While the characters are obviously at the forefront, the game boasts some cool environments. There are your expected garden scenes, but what follows includes an stealthy prison escape, plenty of cave spelunking, and a confrontation within Minister Pumpkin's chambers. Not to mention the countless dwellings, shops, and bars that can be explored. The soundtrack is of the fun and perky sort, well-suited for a game that doesn't take itself too seriously. Those who choose to go the emulation route would be wise to check out the password screen regardless; it hosts the best theme in the entire game.
When the Wizardry-loving Yuji Horii crafted Portopia he decided to throw some first-person dungeon crawls into the mix. This became something of a trend in Japanese adventure games, and a trio of such mazes appear in Princess Tomato. While the change of gameplay is appreciated, said mazes are quite clunky due to some seriously limited visibility. The final maze is especially brutal. It can only be completed if the player manages to decipher the shortest route possible, with no detours, and then walk along it flawlessly from start to finish. The game also features combat! Specific key enemies will challenge Cucumber and Percy to a duel. For those without instructions, these skirmishes are almost completely indecipherable. It works like this. Each battle consists of a game of "Finger Wars." Finger Wars consists of several rounds, each broken into two halves. The first half-round is a rock-paper-scissors contest, with buttons on the d-pad being assigned to each command (for instance, up is rock). In the next round, the rock-paper-scissors loser must try to avoid looking in the direction the winner points a finger. If the directions do end up matching, the finger-moving "guesser" is then granted a point. Certain point totals are required to beat the various enemies. It may all sound completely random, but certain foes will attempt the same strategies repeatedly. Studying their moves is the key to victory.
I bestow my highest recommendation upon Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom. It's a uniquely bizarre and effervescent title like nothing else on the NES, or elsewhere for that matter. Sadly, tracking this one down is a bit of a challenge, as the NES cart is expensive, and as for the Virtual Console release... well, let's not talk about that. Play this any way you can.
It's probably the only NES game I own that you don't!
