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prfsnl_gmr
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Wed May 01, 2019 11:02 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Amazing post, Partridge. I thought about importing a Famicom Mini, but now...Nope!

I spent some time this evening with Double Dragon (2600) and Firefly (2600). I’m not yet convinced either is bad. So far, Double Dragon is pretty much the most realistic beat em up ever in that: (1) you are terrible at fighting; (2) you get your ass kicked in a few seconds; and (3) it isn’t fun at all. That said, it’s an insanely ambitious 2600 game, and I’m going to give it another try. Firefly just seems like a really dull game with terrible music...and with a middle finger animation when you die. I’m going to give it another shot too. (Bone: Did you figure out how to get the pixy? It seems impossible to me...)

I did beat one game tonight, though, the execrable Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls (SNES). Unlike its beat ‘em up predecessors, it’s a 2D one-on-one fighting game with looks and plays like it was designed by a company called Leland Interactive Media. (That is, everything about it sucks.) It’s like they wanted to make a game that captured the appeal of both Street Fighter II and TMNT but had no idea what makes either of those things appealing in any way, and ended up shitting all over a classic video game franchise in the process. With one exception (a rad, jean-shorts wearing, sunglasses-popping, machinegun-wielding skeleton named Bones), the character design is incredibly lame in a cheap, cancelled-after-three-episodes, mid-90s Saturday morning cartoon sort of way. (Captain Planet has cooler enemies than Billy and Jimmy Lee...with one notable exception, Bones, who rules.) Also, the penultimate boss is a busty, leather-clad, whip-carrying dominatrix, which seems a bit risqué for a game ostensibly aimed at children...Not sure what they were thinking there, if they were thinking at all.

The animation and fighting engine are both terrible. Special moves are difficult to execute, and completely worthless. Low punches, low kicks, medium punches, and medium kicks are also worthless; so, you pretty much just wail away on your opponents with heavy attacks until you win. If an opponent presents the least challenge, you just turtle and counterattack with heavy punches and kicks until you win. (In case you haven’t guessed, the single-player mode is very easy.) Moreover, there aren’t really any combos; so, fights consist mostly of trading blows with your opponent. There is a (very tame) fatality system, and I executed one computer-controlled opponent during my playthrough. I have no idea how I did that, however, and I think the fatalities occur at random. There certainly isn’t a “Finish him!” prompt of any type.

There’s a tournament mode and a quest mode, which are distinguished only by the presence of a picture and scrolling text between matches in the quest mode. (All of the text is awkward, and some of it is unintentionally hilarious. The sensei has to sneak in the words “fight with honor” every time he says anything, apparently: “Fight with honor and look out for his flying sawblades!” “The Shadow Master is trying to poison Metro City! You have to stop him and fight with honor.”) You can also distribute points between attack, defense, and special moves at the beginning of a new game, but I found the distribution have no impact on the gameplay at all. I was tempted to take everything down to zero to see if it would still be possible to win, but the game wasn’t compelling enough even for a stupid experiment. The backgrounds are flat; the music is a collection of horn sounds; the announcer sounds like he has a sinus infection; and the “gong” effect sounds like someone hit a frying pan with a wooden spoon. In short, Double Dragon V is a terrible mis-step and a horrid fighting game (that still somehow ended up being one of the best games for the Atari Jaguar :lol: ).
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PartridgeSenpai
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by PartridgeSenpai Thu May 02, 2019 12:24 am

Iirc, I think Double Dragon V actually IS based off of a Double Dragon cartoon of the time, which I think explains why the characters have that feeling :lol:
I have only ever heard bad things about it though :lol:

I'd say if anyone is thinking of importing a Famicom Mini and already has a NES Classic, just go full ham and get the JUMP Edition Famicom Mini. Not only is it covered in a tacky golden sheen, so it doesn't look like a normal tiny Famicom, it also has ONLY licensed games based on JUMP manga/anime (and the original Dragon Quest too, for whatever reason), so it's basically ALL terrible-to-decent quality stuff. How they had the gall to sell that for the same price as the normal Mini is beyond me :lol:
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SpaceBooger
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by SpaceBooger Thu May 02, 2019 6:53 am

I know Bubsy 3D is considered the worst game of the series, but I decided for this month I would go and play the original on the Genesis. I just ordered it off ebay for $3 and am looking forward to it arriving next week.
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prfsnl_gmr
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Thu May 02, 2019 7:57 am

SpaceBooger wrote:I know Bubsy 3D is considered the worst game of the series, but I decided for this month I would go and play the original on the Genesis. I just ordered it off ebay for $3 and am looking forward to it arriving next week.


Nice....and don’t worry, I’ve spent some time with that game. It’s certainly bad enough for TR.
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PartridgeSenpai
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by PartridgeSenpai Thu May 02, 2019 8:52 am

prfsnl_gmr wrote:
SpaceBooger wrote:I know Bubsy 3D is considered the worst game of the series, but I decided for this month I would go and play the original on the Genesis. I just ordered it off ebay for $3 and am looking forward to it arriving next week.


Nice....and don’t worry, I’ve spent some time with that game. It’s certainly bad enough for TR.


I absolutely agree :lol:
Bubsy 3D is a bit of a new level of bad, but original Bubsy is still pretty darn bad too Xp
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by BoneSnapDeez Thu May 02, 2019 10:35 am

@prfsnl_gmr
I don't think you can "get" the pixie. I think just "seeing" it is the reward itself.

@PartridgeSenpai
I beat Atlantis no Nazo earlier in the year. It's tough, but doable. I highly recommend following the second route detailed in this walkthrough.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/nes/57828 ... faqs/65347

...........................

So I remember reading about the worst kusoge JRPGs for the Super Famicom on some obscure website a year or two ago. My Japanese is pretty bad, so it took me some time to find the website again but here it is:
http://www5f.biglobe.ne.jp/~hankotu/game.htm
Now, I actually beat Villgust last year and I can attest to the fact that it's pretty weak. Literally the most stripped-down town-dungeon-repeat RPG with no flair or intriguing elements whatsoever. Also, grindy as hell. I'm curious about the others. Ancient Magic actually looks kinda cool.
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by pook99 Thu May 02, 2019 7:40 pm

prfsnl_gmr wrote::lol: :lol: :lol:

Amazing post, Partridge. I thought about importing a Famicom Mini, but now...Nope!

I spent some time this evening with Double Dragon (2600) and Firefly (2600). I’m not yet convinced either is bad. So far, Double Dragon is pretty much the most realistic beat em up ever in that: (1) you are terrible at fighting; (2) you get your ass kicked in a few seconds; and (3) it isn’t fun at all. That said, it’s an insanely ambitious 2600 game, and I’m going to give it another try. ).


When I was young my brother and I saved a bunch of money to buy a NES. We went to toys r us with our mom and when we were there we saw double dragon and kung fu. My brother and I, in our iditotic young minds, then reasoned that since these 2 games were on Atari, every NES game would be eventually so buying the nes was a waste of time and we instead spent our money on these 2 games.

Kung fu is actually pretty solid on the atari but double dragon was just abysmmal and even my 6 year old self, who absolutely loved ET on Atari, knew this game was a turd. To this day atari double dragon remains one of the worst games I have ever played and the worst financial decision of my life.

I could also say as someone that trains brazilian jiu-jitsu, judo, kickboxing, and mixed martial arts, that real life fighting is considerably more fun than atari double dragon
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prfsnl_gmr
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Thu May 02, 2019 9:02 pm

:lol:

I like it. Kung Fu on the Atari 2600 is a remarkably solid game. It’s not as “crisp” as the NES port, but it still plays well. Double Dragon, on the other hand...

My worst game purchase of all time was AD&D Heroes of the Lance for the NES. I read a few of the Dragonlance books as a kid, and I was really excited for that game. I saved up my money and bought a brand new copy. I unpacked it, read the instruction, popped it into my NES...got promptly lost in some sort of maze. My entire party of heroes was eventually killed by a dwarf kicking us in the shins while we flailed about helplessly, struggling to control our movements. Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed p, and I probably should have tried to return the game since it was horribly, horribly broken.
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by Ack Fri May 03, 2019 9:02 am

For the record, I for one support more dominatrixes in games. Final bosses, lead characters...nothing wrong with ladies in leather.

But if you want more bizarre SNES fighting games, Prfsnl, track down Street Combat and the atrocious Pit-Fighter port.
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prfsnl_gmr
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Re: May Together Retro: Bad to the Bone!

by prfsnl_gmr Fri May 03, 2019 11:17 am

Ack wrote:For the record, I for one support more dominatrixes in games. Final bosses, lead characters...nothing wrong with ladies in leather.

But if you want more bizarre SNES fighting games, Prfsnl, track down Street Combat and the atrocious Pit-Fighter port.


Oh, yes. I own both of them. I think Street Combat is actually, kind-of OK. As a redlined Ranma 1/2 game, it looks terrible, but it isn’t actually broken. Pit Fighter, on the other hand, was always terrible, and the SNES version is the worst version of a terrible game.
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