Visit My Blog DeadPark.com | Newest Game: Altered Beast

[DeadPark]

Hi Everyone

i'm kind of new to the whole website reviewing thing. i started a blog, kind of a still picture let's play. i have a few articles up already.

Altered Beast (Genesis)

Disney's Aladdin (Genesis)

Penguin Wars (Gameboy)

Tetris Attack (SNES)

Disney's Alice in Wonderland (GBC)

Daffy Duck: The Marvin Missions (SNES)

Ren and Stimpy: The Quest for the Shaven Yak (Game Gear)

Beavis and Butt-Head (Genesis)

The Toxic Crusaders (Genesis)

Pokemon Trading Card Game (GBC)

Toejam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron (Genesis)

Jaws (NES)

A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia (NES)

Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool (SNES)

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (NES)

Earthworm Jim (Genesis)

Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures (SNES)

I would really appreciate it if looked at my site and gave me some feedback, maybe follow me on Facebook.

[DeadPark]

Just added a new article

Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool

it would mean a lot to me if i got some feedback about the site. positive or negative.

[Luke]

I'll try to provide some constitutive criticism, but I can't promise it will help. I'll also, from time to time, come off as harsh although it is not intended to be harsh. I simply know that when I review a review some people get overly defensive.

SO! Your EWJ review.

Read your review. What do you think about it compared to other reviews of the same game, and what is the reason and intent for the review?

You played the game. Okay. That's all I got out of it. In the first paragraph alone you say that EWJ was the best annoying game you've ever played. At the end of your review you say how much you love the game but at the beginning of the review you use the word "bane". And that would be fine if you talked a bit more about yourself.

Which you should do.

People who have played EWJ gain nothing from your review. You also don't provide a reason for people who haven't played EWJ to play it. A review has to be more than "this stuff happens". You are not doing anything to grab attention by showing screenshots and telling us "and this happens".

You don't have to go super cerebral, but you do have to say more than "stuff happens". I'm done with emphasizing that.

Provide some background and inform the audience about the game. EWJ has a HUGE and LOOOOOOONG backstory and you never mention any of it. Plus, we don't know a thing about you other than you played a game. You simply don't provide any information other than you played a game.

Your review has zero structure. You can use the old "Tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, and tell them what you told them" angle, the "Good, the bad, the ugly" angle...any type of coherent thought process would help.

You don't engage your audience, so they have no reason to care about or read your article. It's also not researched. The song you are referring to is Night on Bald Mountain, and you could have written a great piece on how influential that music was in FANTASIA and how Shiny was allowed to use the song. How that happened and who iwas involved is a story in itself.

Reel people in early. Provide detail that will want them to read your piece. Stand out, as if you search for EWJ reviews...holy shit there are thousands of them. If you review an iconic game, you need to stand out. And if you do the capture screen with a joke under it, make the joke funny. I'd suggest you actually leave that stuff out.

Keep it simple. Plop in anecdotal comments. Check out Michi's movie reviews in our movie thread as he's very talented with his reviews. And although some might disagree, keep it 60% content and 40% about you. A good review contains a good story, even if it has nothing to do with what you are reviewing. Roger Ebert would sometimes start a review with "I'm eating a hot dog on the blue line to go see a movie..." It had nothing to do with the review but he made it interesting.

Best of luck.

[DeadPark]

Luke. honestly. thank you. you are the first person to give me any real criticism on the site to give me any direction at all.

like i said. i'm very new to this. and i know i have a lot to overcome. i'm not sure i'f i'm doing a review or a let's play. and in either case whenever i look at them, i'm really only interested in the pictures and the final review, which is kind of the direction i went with. and i know that's not the best choice.

you gave me a lot to think about for future reviews. thank you.

[Luke]

Luke. honestly. thank you.

You are more than welcome and I wish you the best of luck.

If you share another review, I'll read it.

And if you could "hear" this post it would be in a friendly and laid back voice:

Throw in some personality. Write like you are speaking with a friend or colleague. I can't emphasize engaging your audience enough. And again, read your review as if you didn't write it. There is a huge difference between:

"Jurassic World is a movie released in 2015 that was intended to be a direct sequel to Jurassic Park...(details)"

and

"On a lazy Saturday afternoon I decided to get off the couch and head to the cinema. Although I knew I would be surrounded by loud children and ever louder adults I chose to see Jurassic World. Popcorn in tow and ten movie trailers later the familiar theme written by the most famous composer of our era, John Williams played...(details)"

You don't have to get wordy, and do create your own style, but people really are intrigued when you give them some insight on how the review starts. Set the stage.

Last piece of advice: Read a lot of reviews. I suggest "Your movie Sucks" and "4 Star Reviews" both by Ebert. He uses classic phrases like "This movie knows where it heart is, but can't seem to find it's brain". He could always grab your attention with one sentence.

Keep at it!

[DeadPark]

Just added a new review

A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia (NES)

I took a lot of Luke's advice with this one. I did some actual research. I tried to organize my thoughts better. And I tried to put some personality into it.

I'm sure it's not perfect, writing was always my worst subject in school. I knew from the beginning this would be an uphill battle for a while.

But you know what, I'm a lot happier with this review than i was with the last ones. I think maybe I'm at least heading in the right direction now.

As always, I'm still learning. So please check out my article and leave me any positive or negative criticism to help me write better.

(Note: 6/18/15) i'm playing with the layout of the website, so please ignore the odd picture layout while i figure out how to center everything.

[DeadPark]

Just added another article

Jaws (NES)

i feel like i did pretty good on this one. check it out, tell me what you think.

[DeadPark]

Just posted a new article

ToeJam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron

come check it out.

[DeadPark]

Really harsh, and no mention of the rhythm mini-game? That part was cool.

Game's not without its problems but the invisible platforms are rarely a problem if you jump the right way (I forget exactly how you did the high jump) since you have so much air control.

thank you for reading my article

i do admit i was kind of harsh to the game. but it just felt like it dragged on for too long. like i said in my review, had it been shorter, i probably would have liked it more because i did like it at first despite its problems.

as for the invisible platforms, they just took too much of a central role for my taste. i would rather know where i'm jumping and why before i leave the ground.

[DeadPark]

you know, i looked at it again, and i was too harsh this time.

i went back and increased it's score from 3 to 5. it still had a lot of flaws, but it was better than a 3.

it also made me think that i should have a more structured grading system for future articles rather than just an arbitrary overall score.

Still got a lot to learn about writing articles, but i think i'm starting to get the hang of it.