8. Mausoleum (1983)
Yet another Video Nasty, though Mausoleum was never prosecuted and was added to the list as a Section 3 supplementary. These films were never officially fought over in court, but they could be seized by the British government and destroyed. Yeah, the Video Nasty list was a weird, but it's not like Mausoleum has a lot going in its favor.
Susan Walker Farrell, a member of the Nomed family lineage, is unknowingly possessed by a demon that lives in a mausoleum and tries to possess all of the women in the family. The demon gets her as a kid, but it doesn't really manifest until Susan is a busty blonde in her mid-30s. She gets horny, so yeah, it's gotta be a demon. That's when it shows up, because demonic possession is the only way possible to explain female sexuality. Any time Susan feels a bit randy, her eyes glow green, she does the nasty or engages in some kind of thrilling act, and somebody dies. Since nobody really understands what's up, they think she's just mentally ill. Yeah, it's all mental illness, which is why she's stealing stuff, feeling horny, and breathing a weird green mist. That explains everything.
That said...well, when the demon comes out, it can do some nasty stuff. The thing even has faces for breasts which chew a guy's heart out in one scene. I want to say it feels like there is a message here, but I can't quite pick up what it is... Beyond that, it's bad wannabe Exorcist material, all set to the glorious soundtrack of what must have been a roaring fire right next to the boom mic. Yeah, apparently the only print still around that all streaming versions are based on is damaged, so the movie sounds like it's trying to gargle.
Fun fact, this film was produced by Michael Franzese, a former capo in the Colombo crime family. In fact, he was still active when this film came out; Franzese didn't go to prison until 1985, which led to his eventual public denouncing of the organized crime life. So here you get an Exorcist-knock off featuring a horny former Playboy Playmate getting naked a lot in a movie financed by the Mafia that was subsequently banned in Britain...and somehow, it just isn't very good.
Now who saw that coming?
9. Razorback (1984)
Australia does it again.
An animal rights campaigner who has made a splash in New York heads out to the outback to learn about kangaroo poachers sticking their ill-gotten gains into a dog food processing plant. Unfortunately, she pisses off the locals and then gets eating by a massive wild boar. Her husband follows after to find out what became of his wife, and once he does, it's time to make that little piggy go Whee Whee Whee all the way home...with bullets and a massive meat grinder.
Australian exploitation films seem hellbent on making me believe that everybody who doesn't live in a major city on the island continent down under is some kind of wannabe Deliverance-esque alcoholic psychopath. Also, all Australian women are hot, but that's not important to this discussion. So out there are a bunch of crazy drunk poachers whose idea of fun is basically threatening people with guns and making absurdly terrible fashion choices while covered in a variety of blood, gore, and bodily fluids. Also, Australian pet food processing plants are the nastiest places on Earth.
Admittedly, the film editing here also leans into the absurd, and the random use of dreamlike hallucinations make for a film that is occasionally hilarious just as often as it is occasionally disturbing. Color filters get brought out, there are people walking past what look like drawings, and there seems to be an animal skull every three feet out there in the Australian wilderness. Watching this movie, you wonder what kind of madman would come up with something like this.
I loved every God damn minute of it. This movie is crazy and over the top, and it has a giant freaking boar that literally tears through buildings, including one scene where it rips a corner off of a house and carries it away with the TV still going. It's an over the top piece of Ozploitation trash that is marvelous to behold, and I was pumped for the entirety of the picture. Sure, the scene cuts can get more than a little weird, but they do it in a hypnotic way that really leans into the cinematographic absurdity you get sprinkled throughout. This is up there with Body Melt, which is high praise indeed from me.
Do yourself a favor and track this movie down, then watch it expecting it to be freaking weird. Also, I want a pickup truck covered in meat hooks now.
. *sniffle* the memories....