Ack's pre-gaming October thread

[prfsnl_gmr]

It Follows absolutely rules. Such a great, great film. I’m glad you liked it.

[Ack]

13. The Alien Factor

Does anyone remember back in 2016 when Michi and I watched a terrible movie called Nightbeast? Well, turns out it was a pseudo-remake of director Don Dohler's earlier film The Alien Factor. I say pseudo-remake, because while there are some big plot differences, there are also many similarities, the most important of which is that many actors (and I use that term loosely here) play the same characters in both films.

In The Alien Factor, a small town suddenly finds itself under attack from three aliens which have crashlanded on Earth accidentally while on the way to another planet's zoo. The locals struggle to fight the aliens, until a supposed astronomer shows up, who is in fact an alien sent to kill the escaped specimens. Unfortunately, in the end he looks like a bad alien knock off from They Live and is promptly shot by the misunderstanding sheriff. The same cottage cheese sheriff from Nightbeast, but thankfully here with no sex scenes.

So, what are you getting here? Well, garish 1970s hairstyles and clothing, stupid movie logic, bad acting, cheap sets, a bizarre music video in the middle of the film that must have been a favor to a buddy's band, and a soundtrack that is designed to kill. I mean that literally, one of the aliens is a bug taken down by a high-pitched noise, but the sound used is pretty much exactly like every musical cue in the film, so I'm happy I'm not an extraterrestrial bug; otherwise, I could be dead right now.

I will give credit where it is due: the aliens include claymation and costumes, one of which involved putting a stuntman on stilts, and so they become the best part of the movie. For a no-budget project, it is always cool to see what sorts of visual designs one sees, and Dohler did his best here. Thankfully, none of the aliens are wearing Disco suits this time around.

Look, unless you like to watch the truly flat-out awful, you probably don't want to bother with The Alien Factor. It's terrible. It's also a little inspiring that it was made at all, however, so I don't want to blast it completely. It's amateurish to the extreme, but I've seen worse z-grade trash, so take that how you will.

Still better than R.O.T.O.R.

1. DeepStar Six
2. Harbinger Down
3. Island Claws
4. Rabid
5. Attack of the Killer Donuts
6. Demon Wind
7. The Flying Serpent
8. Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings
9. Galaxy of Terror
10. The Dead Pit
11. It Follows
12. Don't Breathe
13. The Alien Factor

[Michi]

Look, unless you like to watch the truly flat-out awful, you probably don't want to bother with The Alien Factor. It's terrible. It's also a little inspiring that it was made at all, however, so I don't want to blast it completely. It's amateurish to the extreme, but I've seen worse z-grade trash, so take that how you will.

Still better than R.O.T.O.R.

Oh, dear god, The Alien Factor sucks. Kids playing ball randomly in the middle of the film for no reason. The blunt, sudden ending. The sounds...good lord the sounds... It's awful. The only version of The Alien Factor I would suggest would be the riffed version done by the good folks at Cinematic Titanic, aka the rest of the cast of MST3k that isn't named of Bill, Kevin and Mike. That one is watch-able.

And speaking of Bill, Kevin and Mike, their riffed version of R.O.T.O.R. is also the only watch-able version of that bizarre and incomprehensible Terminator rip-off.

I think you need to watch better movies, Ack.

Not that I have room to talk. You've already watched 3 movies so far that were on my Amazon watchlist. So I guess I should say We need to watch better movies

[Ack]

Michi, I think we just have poor taste.

That, and we both have Amazon Prime...

[prfsnl_gmr]

Michi, I think we just have poor taste.

That, and we both have Amazon Prime...

LOL

The quality of some of the movies on there is amazing...Not horror, but have either of you added “Without Limit” to your queues?

https://www.amazon.com/Without-Limit-Ce ... B07G4HK4GS

It looks like the most amazing film.

[Ack]

Michi, I think we just have poor taste.

That, and we both have Amazon Prime...

LOL

The quality of some of the movies on there is amazing...Not horror, but have either of you added “Without Limit” to your queues?

https://www.amazon.com/Without-Limit-Ce ... B07G4HK4GS

It looks like the most amazing film.

Oh, I have such sights to show you, Prfsnl...

...like The Interplanetary Surplus Male and the Amazon Women from Outer Space. Seriously, just go look it up in Prime.

[prfsnl_gmr]

I just did! Looks great...the “customers also watched” titles that appears when I pulled it up we’re amazing.

I can’t help but think, though, that these movies are, to certain extent, intentionally bad. (Space Boobs in Space does have a pretty great title, though.). I am really more interested in movies where everyone involved gave it their best efforts and still failed spectacularly. Can you recommend d some of those"

[prfsnl_gmr]

Last night, my wife and I watched Burn, Witch, Burn! (1960) on Prime Video. It is a very well-made (shockingly so, in fact) movie about a college professor who probably has second thoughts about stopping his wife from practicing witchcraft. It was scripted by Richard Matheson, and despite its grindhouse title, it is a pretty great old-fashioned slow-burn horror film. Highly recommended.

[Ack]

I can’t help but think, though, that these movies are, to certain extent, intentionally bad. (Space Boobs in Space does have a pretty great title, though.). I am really more interested in movies where everyone involved gave it their best efforts and still failed spectacularly. Can you recommend d some of those"

And they're still bad? Sure, I have a couple to share, some of which I still greatly enjoy. Many of these are free, but not all I'm afraid:

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter - Jesus and a luchador team up to fight vampires who have learned they can walk in the sun if they wear the skins of lesbians. For the Lord so loved the lesbians.

Milpitas Monster - A giant monster rises out of a garbage dump and attacks a small town. This is what happens when you give high schoolers a video camera.

Neon Maniacs - A bunch of monsters attack teenagers in San Francisco! Hijinks ensue!

Microwave Massacre - Frosty the Snowman murders and eats his wife. I'm not kidding.

Street Trash - Homeless people do terrible things. This movie was created with the intent of offending as many people as possible.

Video Dead - Zombies come out of a TV. And then they're boring.

Shock - A house is haunted by a woman's dead husband. A+ for creepy kids.

Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz - Nazi zombies fight Spetsnaz. None of it is good.

Nightmare City - Irradiated armed zombies show up on a plane and wipe out an Italian city.

Hell of the Living Dead - I'm just gonna quote Amazon here: "An accident at a chemical plant unleashes a horrific virus, and an elite S.W.A.T. team is sent to New Guinea to investigate. But when they arrive on the hellish island, they discover a plague of flesh-eating zombies as well as a beautiful female reporter who practices nude anthropology. Can the commandos survive this cannibal rampage and uncover a shocking government secret?"

If you can get your hands on stuff like Alien Dead or The Howling 2, well, those are great options.

[Ack]

14. Howling III: The Marsupials

Have you ever thought, "What would it be like for werewolves to evolve pouches?" No? Well, someone in Australia did, and they combined it with a love of 1970s body hair in a movie that feels more like an acid-fueled dream sequence. Considering the train wreck that was Howling II, I guess the only way to follow it was just to get weird. Really weird.

A guy meets a girl and falls in love. Unfortunately, she's a marsupial werewolf, and world governments are now openly hunting them, so they go into hiding. Meanwhile, a professor working for the government studies werewolves and falls in love with a Russian ballerina who has defected...and is also a werewolf. Eventually these competing storylines meet up and combine into something. I'm not sure it's a movie.

Anyway, there are plot lines that exist and go nowhere. Some werewolves use aboriginal powers to transform and kill hunters, a burned werewolf somehow comes back to life to attack a guy, and one dude turns into a giant werewolf to take out a special forces team that isn't so special. There are competing love stories between two men and their hairy ladies, one of whom has a pouch, and the other of whom has way more nipples than I'm into, all because at some point in history, somebody did the nasty with a wolf. Also, predatory animal spirits have been taking over people's bodies, including ones for extinct animals, which is nice but has no real bearing on the film.

Apparently werewolves see with a fish-eye lens and like to dress like nuns, too.

Oh, there is a series of time-lapses too, during which everything becomes ok again, so don't worry! Everything is hunk-dory! Except that a faux-Academy Award is given to a werewolf who accidentally transforms on stage! Oh no! What does this matter?!

Is it wrong that several times I heard folks say, "You won't make it in the bush," and I got offended that they were commenting on body hair? Seriously, there is a LOT of body hair. And sweat too. Australians must believe that you're only getting laid if it looks like someone hosed you down for an hour with baby oil.

I guess this was pretty much the only way any movie could follow Howling II. I don't know if it's a good thing. It literally ends with the most stereotypical director-type you can think of saying, "Cut." I guess that's supposed to be better than the weird music video at the end of the last film. God, there are like 8 of these movies.




15. Mutant

You know the sign of a good movie? If Wings Hauser is in it. I'm kidding, but Mutant is one of those movies. Only it's a zombie movie. Only they're weird chemical zombies that need blood to survive, so...toxic vampires?

Wings Hauser and a guy playing his little brother end up in the most redneck small town imaginable, where white trash run them off the road, the sheriff is a drunk, and people are creepy, dying, or both. Eventually it's up to Wings, the sheriff, and the local schoolmarm to take down a horde of blood-eating zombies which burn people with the chemicals that spew out of their palm vaginas. I really wish I could claim I had made that sentence up, but nope, it's really what happens in this movie.

On the upside, Bo Hopkins plays the sheriff. He was great in The Wild Bunch and is one of the best things here, though even he can't save this movie from dragging along. It's like an hour before you really get to see a proper zombie, instead focusing on the "mystery" of the town in a way that is overly long and uninteresting. I'll just say it now, Mutant is no Nightmare at Noon, which also starred Bo Hopkins and Wings Hauser fighting toxic zombies in a small town. That movie is way better than this one. Plus, it has Brion James playing an albino who wishes he was in Devo.

But back to this movie. If you like bars covered in Confederate flags and representations of rural people as white trash assholes who are sexist and don't like city folks but don't want to get into Deliverance-type territory, you might be more inclined to like this movie. Also, we've got a deus ex-machina ending here. Joy. What does this movie get right? Well, imagine a horde of zombie children attacking a kid in a school bathroom. Best scene in the movie right there, folks.

1. DeepStar Six
2. Harbinger Down
3. Island Claws
4. Rabid
5. Attack of the Killer Donuts
6. Demon Wind
7. The Flying Serpent
8. Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings
9. Galaxy of Terror
10. The Dead Pit
11. It Follows
12. Don't Breathe
13. The Alien Factor
14. Howling III: The Marsupials
15. Mutant