The 2016 October Horror Marathon

[Nemoide]

Oh man, Jack Frost, that's a movie I loved when I saw it in high school. I'd like to own it on laserdisc someday. And I agree 100% about Return of the Living Dead being a top-notch crazy-awesome movie.

Last night I watched It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, which is my favorite Charlie Brown TV special and is something I appreciate more and more every year. My favorite line? "We're obviously separated by denominational differences." I love how Charlie Brown gets a rock from every house AND how Lucy tells him that his name was supposed to be on the list of people who weren't to be invited to the Halloween party. I love the surreal sequence of Snoopy crossing the French countryside during World War I. I love the BACKGROUNDS - some of the skies manage to be very visually interesting while still being a minimalistic TV-budget cartoon. It's all around GREAT.

Tonight I watched "Pigeons from Hell" - an episode of Thriller, one of the standout episodes of the great horror anthology series hosted by Boris Karloff. "Pigeons from Hell" might be a ridiculous title, but it's actually some great horror set in the deep south. I want to read the original story by Robert E. Howard (of Conan the Barbarian fame) at some point.

[Michi]

Two classic Linnea Quigley roles in a row!

And it was completely coincidental, I swear. I just looked at my stack of possible films for the year and eeny-meeny-miny-moed it

[Ack]

23. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf

What the hell did I watch?

Howling 2 is apparently a direct continuation of the original Howling, only now with Reb Brown and Christopher Lee joining forces in Transylvania to fight the werewolf sorceress Sybil Danning. You see, Reb Brown's sister has been killed, only Christopher Lee arrives to reveal she is actually a werewolf and that the werewolves are preparing for the reveal of their high priestess savior-type. Only this werewolf savior also happens to be Christopher Lee's sister, and she can cast magic spells to do things like make your eyes pop out and get your corpse to walk around. This means the subtitle works on two different levels.

Anyway, the werewolves all live in this castle in Romania and wear bondage gear while having blood-fueled orgies and manipulating the gypsy townsfolk into serving them. Their way is heavily fueled by erotic violence, and Stirba, the werewolf queen, walks around with a weird bat-demon on her stick in...I don't know what she is wearing. Her costumes are ridiculous, though perhaps not moreso than the numerous other costumes her werewolf cabal comes dressed in. Also all the werewolves grow their fangs first apparently.

In short, Howling II feels like it was supposed to be a vampire movie, but somewhere along the way somebody said "Hey, werewolves are popular. Let's use them instead!" Worse, the likes of Reb Brown's acting is so poor that apparently Christopher Lee hated the project and personally apologized to Joe Dante, director of the first The Howling, for appearing in the film. The movie ranges from bad to awkward to borderline disturbing, such as the big threeway werewolf sex scene in which our three sexy werewolves look like their clothed in a shag carpet. It's like a porno from the 1970s, only with more body hair.

To top this all off, the end credits features the new wave band Babel playing their track "The Howling" in a sort of music video featuring clipped together footage of the film. Most notably is the shot of Sybil Danning ripping her dress off to expose her chest, which is used in the music video seventeen times. Hell, there's even a sound effect to accompany it built into the song!

Howling II is...bizarre. It's a glorious train wreck that I still don't understand despite having had ample time to process. I think I'm going to have PTSD about this movie.



24. 976-EVIL II

In the early 1990s, Penthouse Playmates appeared in a lot of cheesy action and horror movies. This is one of those movies. The plot involves a college dean using astral projection powers given to him by Satan via a telephone horoscope line to prey on busty coeds and the people who have helped put him in jail for being a serial killer. While he does this, a pretty college girl and a biker team up to take him on before he can kill everybody and then frame the pretty college girl for murder so he can continue to astral project himself into her cell for the rest of her life because he's totally hot for her. What? None of that made sense? Well maybe the first film will help...

It doesn't, folks. Believe me, I looked into it after watching this. Beside the returning biker hero character and the telephone horoscope to Satan, these movies are not linked, so while it feels like there is a ton of back story, the movie figures you'll just accept a lot of things, like that a pretty college girl and a dude clad in leather who looks like he hasn't showered in weeks will get along and become friends almost immediately without having ever met before. The original was directed by Robert Englund, but of the entire cast and crew, only the biker guy returned, so as far as continuity is concerned, well, just give up on it.

There are also numerous effects and stunt problems. Apparently someone decided that since they couldn't get a proper green screen, a blue one would do. This means there is a blue shiny halo around anyone appearing in an effects shot for any of the astral projection scenes, which are a lot. They also used it for a sequence in which Satan apparently makes an AK-47 come off the wall and shoot things, and this one makes no sense because the angle and position it's in would have actually caused it to clip through the wall, causing a weird perspective problem. The whole movie is littered with problems like these, or in one scene where the evil dean uses his satanic powers to cause a car to drive erratically, only you can see repeated shots of the actress' stunt double inside next to a stunt performer all dressed in black who is doing all of the actual stunt driving.

Is it all bad? Well no, there is one creative kill I enjoyed involving pulling a lady into a television version of It's a Wonderful Life and then having it turn into Night of the Living Dead. It's not well done of course, but it made for an entertaining idea. Beyond that, this movie helped Howling II look well made, so there is that. I may track down the original just because of Robert Englund, but I wouldn't recommend it to the rest of you.

24/31

1. Late Phases
2. Ghoulies
3. Nightbeast
4. Tombs of the Blind Dead
5. Return of the Blind Dead
6. The Ghost Galleon
7. Night of the Seagulls
8. Chopping Mall
9. Bad Moon
10. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.
11. Dead Heat
12. Varan the Unbelievable
13. The Milpitas Monster
14. Shock
15. Kingdom of the Spiders
16. Ghoulies II
17. Waxwork
18. The Curse of the Werewolf
19. Island of Lost Souls
20. Child's Play
21. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
22. Jack Frost
23. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf
24. 976-EVIL II

[prfsnl_gmr]

Since we finished up Stranger Things - which was great, BTW - my wife and I are back on the horror movie express! We watched:



Messiah of Evil (1973) first. It is a psychedelic, surreal, gothic/vampire/zombie horror film set in small, coastal California artist colony. Also, it's completely nuts - to the point it is like a proto-David Lynch film - and I am certain Ack would love it.

Next, we watched:



They Look Like People (2015). This one is just barely a horror film, and it ends up as more of a meditation on various forms of mental illness. Nonetheless, certain parts of it are terrifying, and it is very well made. I recommend it, and I think fans of the horror genre will enjoy it even if it barely fits there.

Most recently, we watched:



Extraordinary Tales (2015). It is a collection of five animated Edgar Allen Poe adaptations. (They are The Fall of the House of Usher, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Pit & The Pendulum, The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar, and The Masque of Red Death.) The framing device is pretty terrible, and while all of he stories are good, some are much better than others. (The Pit & The Pendulum is the worst of the bunch, looking and sounding like a mediocre video game cut scene. The Tell-Tale Heart, narrated by Bela Lugosi(!) and animated in a stark Madworld/Sin City monochrome, very good. Likewise, The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar is simply outstanding.) The movie is available for streaming on Netflix, and if you have the service, it is a fun movie for the Halloween season. I would not rush out and buy a copy, however.

The Serpent and the Rainbow -
Mama -
Shutter Island -
The Conjuring -
The Invitation -
The Haunted Strangler -
Fright Night -
Friday the 13th Part 2 -
Messiah of Evil -
They Look Like People -
Extraordinary Tales -

[J T]

Twilight Zone: The Movie


I decided to rewatch this movie since I hadn't seen it in years, and I've been watching the TV series off-and-on for the past few months. The movie is a series of short stories. It's kind of hit and miss, and much of it doesn't retain the classic Twilight Zone feel, but I enjoyed it overall.

The story about the racist who gets teleported through time and body as the victim of various forms of racism was enjoyable, but then I found out afterwards that the lead actor died during the making of this because they cut corners on safety, and that tainted the experience.

The story about the creature on the wing of the airplane really freaked me out as a child, and I still think about that scene whenever I fly. It was scarier in my mind than it actually is in the movie. I almost wish I hadn't rewatched it for that reason. I like the spooky memory more.

My favorite story was the one about the kid that controls the adults in his house. I had totally forgot about this story, but it is great. It some genuinely freaky moments and psychedelic imagery. I'm afraid of horrible spoiled children given too much power.

The Visit

This is a feature from M. Night Shamalamadingdong. I don't want to spoil anything about this, because you know Shyamalan is known for his surprise twists, which is what makes the movie enjoyable. Basically, these kids go to meet their grandparents for the first time, since their mother had a falling out with her parents many years ago and she's not willing to talk about why. If you're scared of old people, this is a tension building film that constantly has you trying to figure out what is normal old people behavior and what crosses the line, with the line becoming clearer with each new scene.

Odd Thomas

He sees dead people, and he tries to help them seek justice. He also sees these weird demon creatures called bodachs that follow people when they are about to be violently attacked. This sounds like it would be horror, but it was oddly kind of a plucky, upbeat thing. It felt more like a superhero movie than a horror movie. If you like cute, doting girls in short shorts with otherwise rather 2D personalities, this movie has a few of them. I didn't love it, but didn't hate it.

Byzantium

This is from the same guy who did Interview with the Vampire, and it is another vampire tale. It's veeerryyy sllloooowww mooovinnnng. There is some lovely cinematography and a few gruesome scenes, which come as a little bit of a shock given the absurdly slow pacing. It's very ponderous, but it follows so many vampire movie cliches, that there isn't really that much to ponder, so I lost interest quickly.

Premonition

Sandra Bullock has premonitions about her husband dying and she is trying to use her dreams to help him. This felt more like a time-travel movie than a horror movie though. It was pretty average throughout.

[J T]

Since I mentioned I have been watching the original Twilight Zone, here are eight of my favorites from the first season:

1. Time Enough at Last
2. Where is Everybody?
3. The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine
4. The Hitch-Hiker
5. The Big Tall Wish
6. Elegy
7. The Monsters are Due on Maple Street
8. The Purple Testament

The Twilight Zone is streaming on Netflix, so if you only have about 25 minutes, each of these is a good way to get in a little something spooky.

[Ack]

What, no One for the Angels?

[J T]

I had it, then pulled it because I thought 8 was already too many. That's a good one though.

[Ack]

25. Zoltan, Hound of Dracula, AKA Dracula's Dog

Soviets doing road construction in Romania accidentally blast open a tomb containing deceased members of the Dracula clan, and one of their peasant soldiers makes a dumb ass decision to pull the stake out of the body of a dog found in one of the coffins. The dog just so happens to be Zoltan, the vampire dog. Zoltan bites the man's neck to convert him and then frees another of Dracula's servants, Veidt Smith. Smith and Zoltan then flee to America to find the last remaining descendant of Dracula, a guy named Michael Drake. Fortunately Romanian supercop Inspector Branco is on the case. Unfortunately the Drake family is on a camping trip, and they brought their dogs.

Yes, Zoltan is obviously a killer dog movie, only this one involving a small but growing pack of vampire dogs trying to convert a man to become their new master. The whole thing seems ludicrous, and it only gets worse when you add in all of the shots of Veidt Smith staring at the camera. They are CONSTANT. While it serves some purpose to show his telepathy with Zoltan, it's basically the same shot over and over again. But if you like to see well-trained animals in movies, Zoltan does deliver. The dogs they used were absolutely marvelous in how they acted, whether it be clawing through the ceiling of a building, pulling out a coffin, or spying through the windows.

Also, this is the only movie I can think of with a vampire puppy climbing out of the grave.

Is Zoltan worth watching? No, probably not. While the premise is ridiculous, the movie appears like it wanted to be taken seriously.



26. Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College

I can tell you right now, that title pretty much tells you what to expect, first in that the premise is that the Ghoulies do go to college, and second in that yes, the movie really is that dumb.

Frat guys involved in a prank war find a mystical comic book that summons Ghoulies from a sacred dirty toilet in their frat house, but the dean gets his hands on it and then summons the little demons. Only now the Ghoulies decide they also want to play pranks, drink a lot of beer, and go on a panty raid. Kevin McCarthy stars as the evil dean, while Patrick Labyorteaux is the leader of the good guy frat who must thwart the opposing fraternity, outwit the school security guard, and win back the affection of his ex-girlfriend. Meanwhile people get killed with toilets and plungers.

Ghoulies III is funny, but not because of the jokes in it. It's funny because of just how bad it all gets. This movie is painfully stupid at times, made only worse by the Ghoulies now being able to talk. Most of their lines involve cheap knock offs of old Three Stooges-type slapstick, stereotypical college humor, and dick and fart jokes. It's cheap, at times it's sleazy, and yet it's so terrible you can't help but shake your head and chuckle that someone would have the audacity to make it. A woman gets strangled with her own tongue at one point. There's a weird sex scene involving workout equipment and a nymphomaniacal sorority sister. There is so much toilet humor that I'm starting to really wish that one promo image had never been made for the first film.

Actually, that recurring toilet thing is a pretty apt description of the Ghoulies series. Most of these films aren't worthy of wiping your ass with. How anyone convinced Kevin McCarthy to do this, I don't know. I hope he was paid very well.

26/31

1. Late Phases
2. Ghoulies
3. Nightbeast
4. Tombs of the Blind Dead
5. Return of the Blind Dead
6. The Ghost Galleon
7. Night of the Seagulls
8. Chopping Mall
9. Bad Moon
10. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.
11. Dead Heat
12. Varan the Unbelievable
13. The Milpitas Monster
14. Shock
15. Kingdom of the Spiders
16. Ghoulies II
17. Waxwork
18. The Curse of the Werewolf
19. Island of Lost Souls
20. Child's Play
21. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
22. Jack Frost
23. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf
24. 976-EVIL II
25. Zoltan, Hound of Dracula
26. Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College

[noiseredux]

TECHNICALLY not a single prank is pulled in Ghoulies III. They pull "yanks" remember?