RAP BATTLE!!!

[Ivo]

You guys have got skills.

[TSTR]

All well and good, yo I let y'all play
Now sit down and listen up cuz I got somethin to say
When I enter the fray, y'all gettin blown away
Cuz I'm better than a monitor with no delay

No lag when I blast if you could not tell
Checkpoint on yo ass, gonna ring yo bell
Cuz y'alls Rated E rhymes bout weak as hell
With all the shit y'all talk I'm surprised it don't smell

Round here in the forums of the R to the B
Where I AM John Cena bitch YOU CAN'T SEE ME
Bout to put y'all boys down in just 1-2-3
Speedrun over y'all—I'm the turbo MC

Auto-auto always on and there's no debate
Got my rapidfire rhymes burnin up your savestate
Yo I play for real, y'all suckas just emulate
Teester always at the top, yeah bb don't hate

[Exhuminator]

turn down the lights, slide up the fader
it's that elder god gamer Exhuminator
been slottin' quarters since eighty three
think your Xbox Achievements even faze me?
when I press start, it's ready player WON
game over, all your friends dead son
I'm that OG make you throw a controller
when Duck Hunt see me that dog roll over

they say don't hate the player, hate the game
I say playa hate when what they playin' is lame
the shit I see you play sucks worse than Kirby
yo it unnerves me, so you about to get served G
no easy mode and no continue, time I just end you
your raps so cheesy, I guess you don't know dude
I burn lippy mofos' slow flow like Firebrand and often
let my Chibi Robo sweep they ashes in a coffin

all ya'll need to go home, give up the hassle
your princess is in another castle
mine, she say your game too sorry yo
cryin' while you dyin' playin' Mario
stop lyin' you can't even handle Tetris
"he way too busy watchin' Netflix"
she love me 'cause I'm the boss with the high score
arcades ban me 'cause I floss they cabs too sore

your weak verses make me wanna put you in hearses
I'm resisting urges to tweak your ears with curses
yo I'm a sage it's the def hero The E X
gonna make you rage quit like F-Zero G X
I shot 8-bit bullets in '88 to an 808
unlike you who is a cheap eBay cart fake
you got in one little fight and ya mom got scared
She said 'You're battling with Ex get the hell outta there!'



------
Edit: TSTR, I just put that link in for our non-musician friends.

[TSTR]

i pity the fool who don't know what an 808 is

[jp1]

Looks like it's time to elevate the game a notch.
You might want to reevaluate your rhymes, and your swatch.
I'm gonna put the games aside for a minute, don't worry.
We'll come around and get back in it, let's discuss your furby.
I think it's time you gave him up, he doesn't need you "he grew up".
Finish that warm milk in your cup, cuddle one last time with your pup.

Back to gaming let's talk a minute. The goal of a game is to WIN it.
I know you'll say you "already knew it". I'll just ask "why didn't you do it?"
Don't step to me, I've got killer instinct. Watch the metal slug make you extinct.
I'm laying it on thick and fast like Chun Li's legs do.
You lay there and take it, but that's okay honey boo boo.
Here comes a double dragon roundhouse kick. Look out it's about to get sick.
I'm here with the chainsaw like splatterhouse Rick. Duck quick!
I'm drifting the corners while I run circles around you like RC-Pro AM!
You are listening to coroners all circled around you screaming "Oh DAMN!"

Spend all the quarters you want your game is half baked.
I'm breaking borders to haunt you, find me at Crystal lake.
I've got a machete and a hacksaw to break you down.
If your ready, wave to your backlog and kneel down.
My frame is fatal, don't stare too long.
Your game is labeled "I'm doing it wrong!"

OG? 83? Please homie I've been down since Atari.
C64, the commodore is back so say "Sorry"
Captain, see I outrank you. If you want get nasty I outstank you.
Wanna get worked up, I outcrank you. I'll school you so hard, you'll say "Thank you."
The master of the system, I hold all the cards. Spit all the "wisdom" I'm still spankin'
you hard!
You make the wrong move and it ends you in the Dragon's lair.
This Dragon slayer spits fire you better beware.
I told you I wasn't even trying and I meant every word.
Turn your spitting to crying and you'll be in the dirt.
Next to some ET carts someone dumped out.
They'll dig you up, document the fallout.
It's nuclear now like mutants from Nuke 'EM.
The duke is in here to bring two cents to 'em.

[J T]

I love my first console, so I made the decision
to rep the rainbow soul of Colecovision
So turn on your TV, and crawl around the back
Flip the UHF switch, plug in the RF jack
Old school's in session [LISTEN UP!] I'm the retro rapper
Slide up to the bar [BOTTLES UP!] I'm the Root Beer Tapper
One two three four five six seven eight nine
No other controller's got as many buttons as mine
Spin more styles than turnstiles; my rhymes are incredible
Cuz I learned from Lady Bug to eat all my vegetables
I pop cans of spinach like Popeye does
Punch Bluto into Pluto with my dope verses
I cause that Space Fury mayhem, interstellar action
My style's isometric, launchin' missiles into Zaxxon
Gyruss twist my beats like their alien inspired
Bow down! "All hail the supreme GORFian empire!"
I got more hip and more hop than Frogger on the street
I got more swing than Jungle Hunt with a Congo Bongo beat
I got that Bump n Jump rhythm, to make your trunk bounce
I whip those Chuck Norris Superkicks to hit 'em where it counts
On the dancefloor lemme see you move that ass in those britches
Slap those buns together, hun, cuz it's BurgerTime! bitches!
I can Mr. Do! what no other Mr. Can
Entomb you in my funk like Tutenkahmen
Now all the old skool gamers are about to show me their dentures
Cuz my rhymes just made 'em smile like the archer in Venture!

[Ziggy]

This is my favorite thread since googly eyes.

[sevin0seven]

7-0-7 now back on the scene
not going digital cuz i'm classic like retro magazines
ya'll noobs probably don't know who i am
i'm the man from the bay, yo name that game
shout out to my man ziggy for having the dopest rhymes
i see you still killin it like when we played wii's golden eye
no time for faking like a repro cart
i'm as real as fatal fury's real bout
yo i gotta get back to work, i'm out....

[Key-Glyph]

A random encounter! A key-glyph stops by
here to show you how high in the sky her rhymes fly.
Can you hold up against the rapid gunfire
of this card-carryin' Keith Apicary Justifier?

I ain't lookin' for some PvP, though;
I wanna win it coop'rativeLY, bro.
We tag teamin' like Rizer and BEAN, so
they see us rollin' like katamaRI, yo.

So what's the KeyGlyph manual sayin'?
What's the backstory how I got playin'?
Well it started with my brother's birthdayin'
in 1990 when all boy kids were gamin'.
Parents saw it was more than a passing fad,
so we got our first console from Mom and Dad.
Nintendo, and Mario, more games my bro bested --
in the end, though, my brother just never got invested.

Now scroll to the right, and there's Key.
mostly list'ning and watching intently.
She's four years old when she meets that NES,
intrigued, yes, but not expressly impressed.
Who'da thought that this girl was a DARK HORSE
bound to BURST FORTH
like GANONDORF'S?
'Cuz when she rests her eyes on NES's nemesis -
the Genesis... oh that Genesis!

Now I'm thirty and I have even more fun.
I'm crushin' hard stacks of games like they're Columns.
I'm munchin' black forest cake for the science.
I'm sportin' all the service medals they've got in the Alliance.
Think it's dangerous to go on alone?
Stick by me; I'll getcha outta this Comix Zone.
Every pixel villain better beware;
I'm like Samus, kicking asses with my super-long hair.

Sure, I get chronic migraines like Kaiden,
strikin' like Raiden's lightnin' decapitation.
But even knocked flat, I still got my thumbs.
When life hands you lemons, make COMBUSTIBLE ones.

I'm driven like an arrow flashin' GO!
I'm a captain on the bridge, I MAKE IT SO!
I got a VGM podcast on the GROW!
I'm a shiny pokemon collectin' PRO!

I'll wrap it up here, I see you mashin' B.
You've got all that, and ya wanna leave.
So look, take this song; now your path will clear.
If you ever need cryptic advice... I'll be here.

[jp1]

Key and 707?! This thread just keeps getting better.

Also, you people are all killing it. Of course in the spirit of "Rap battle" I won't admit it in my rhymes.