RAP BATTLE!!!

[J T]

OOOHHH!!! That sexy red thing, Good God! Dios Mio!
I'm turned on each time I turn on a NeoGeo!
Whether it's MVS, CD, or AES
SNK does it best; F the rest; no contest

Fellas get envious, cuz they can't be havin it
I just won't part with my MVS cabinet
Ladies get jealous, seekin' attention to no avail
My joystick only wants a D-Sub 15-pin female

You might think I'm kinda snooty or acting kinda snobby
I guess you kinda get that way with this expensive hobby
These games ain't cheap yo, 'specially when you buy 'em imported
The price is steep bro, better make sure you can afford it

Your wife sounds angry, "Did you spend 300 dollars on e-Bay?"
"Yes dear. If there's good deals on a cart, true ballers don't delay!"
"You spend too much money and you game all day and night!"
"Babe, you can't put a price on the joy of Twinkle Star Sprites"
"That's what you said about Blue's Journey, you're too cutesy and sappy"
You scream at the top of your lungs "WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY!?!?!"

Whoa! Cool down, you're stressin' me with your marital battles
Bro, I need to focus on making 2 stick 4 button miracles in Seattle
I got all medals of honor for my skills in Metal Slug
A buncha bearded P.O.W.'s all gave me a hug
Kinda like all the ladies who want me to be all nuzzled up on
As we cuddle close up on the couch playin' Puzzle de Pon.

I'm like Magician Lord, a real persistent nice guy
But my foes concede all hope they are "destined just to die."
I'm the King of Fighters and I have no equal
The beats need my rhymes like Crystalis needs a sequel
I'll slice you up like apples any time that we throw down
Like Ukyo, chased down by the ladies, in Samurai Showdown

My beats got urban flavor like my chop suey from the city
My bass gots more wobble then Mai Shiranui's titties
I eat up opponents like I'm using shake and bake
Having Terry Bogard for dessert "OK! Piece of cake!"

You're corny, like Fozzie jokes that died and went to wacka wacka heaven
You can't corner me, I'll choke you, slide in and dent you in Waku Waku 7
I'm a flying power disc slammer throwin' like a bad mammer jamma
When I play Wind Jammers chillin in my MC Hammer pajamas

You can't beat me. Just admit it. Time for confessional
I always hit 'em out the park like Baseball Stars Professional
But I can't say I never lose, my History grades took a dive
I don't get it though, cuz I said 'Nam happened in 1975!?

[J T]

This thread needs more battlers!

Paging Dr. Sheinem, the mad professor with a blast processor
Or bring the Noiseredux with the cabled GameBoy nunchucks
Or the Ack Attack, takin the power back, kicked back in a pink cadillac
Fastbilly gettin silly? BoringSupreez or BoneSnapDeez? Xeogred earnin' street cred? O.pwuaioc with... whatever that rhymes with?

[jp1]

The king of the jungle I'm lyin' in wait.
But if I'm a lion then what are you, bait?
We grab some change and go hit the arcade.
I'm killing it so much call me Master Bates.

Cause I'm really just playing with myself.
Beef like this just ain't good for your health.
Snap back to an hour ago, I dropped a coin.
You dropped all your dough, stale is where my breads going.

End the witty banter and collect your thoughts quick.
Carved up jack' o lantern you should'a respected my stick.
The arcade kind get your head outta the gutter.
Your charade kinda let your head cloud up and sputter.

With some rhymes you were trying to spit too loose.
Sure this Bob-omb is cute 'til you lit the fuse. Don't get confused, or twisted.
I'll leave you bruised and blistered. Don't abuse the wrist kid. Those games leave you addicted. It's youtube you meant then? When you dropped pants while typing it in.

If that makes you a gamer, I'm the last savior.
Twist my cap back and prepare, I don't like your behavior.
Time to keep stringing you along, try and hold on...
Like E. Honda's thong does, rolling eyes like your mom does.
Thunder rolling in the skies, it's wrong what Bob-omb does.
Leave you surprised, you thought he was nice like Bob Ross cuz'.
He came correct with the PC game.
When the games over your PC won't be the same.
The only thing politically correct is your shame cuz'.
Call me Bill Maher 'cause my PC game is famous.

[J T]

I write prose in tight rows so my flows just sound right
You might blow, we might doze, you're frozen in stage fright
Reuse bits, you lose this, crowds hiss and shout loud boos
I ooze bliss, enthuse kids, and get five star reviews
My light grows, insight flows, I'm chosen to delight
I smite foes, ignite shows, my face glows in limelight
Line my aim, stake my claim, I came for the goal lines
Define fame, it's my game, my name's making headlines

[Exhuminator]

Did I hear you right, did I hear you sayin'
That you're gonna make a copy of a game without payin'?
Come on, guys, I thought you knew better don't copy that floppy

I'm your MC Double Def EX see
That's the Disk Protector for you and the posse
That's the artists, writers, designers and programmers
They pump up the images for games and grammar that lets you learn, but also play
The games you came here for today

Now I know you love the games and that's alright to do
Because the posse who make them, they love them too
But if you start stealing, there's no more they can do

You say "I'll just make a copy, for me and a friend"
Then he'll make one and she'll make one and where will it end?
One leads to another then ten, then more
And no one buys any things from the store
So no one gets paid and they can't make more
The posse breaks up and they close the door
Don't copy! Don't copy that floppy

No Carmen Sandiego, no more Oregon Trail
Tetris and the others, they're all gonna fail
Not because we want it but because you're just takin' it
Disrespectin' all the folks who are makin' it
The more you take, the less there will be
The disks become fewer, the games fall away
The screen starts to shrink, and then it will fade
Programs fall through a black hole in space
The computer world becomes bleak and stark
Loses its life and the screen goes dark

But I'm much too strong and you're much too smart
To let that happen to your chances to explore
Parts of the new age just behind the doors of your minds
You're the posse of the future and you hold in your brains what's never thought of before
And in time, you'll teach us so much more
That's why I'm here and what I'm fighting for
Don't copy! Don't copy that floppy

You see, on these disks we have frozen in time
The creativity of someone's mind
Do you think, that because, with a flick of a key
You can copy that game, that the work is free?
This creativity, we protect it by law
We value so highly, what the mind's eye saw
Don't copy! Don't copy that floppy

To do the right thing, it's really simple for you
The copyright law, it will tell you what to do
Buy one, for every computer you use
Anything else is like going to the store
Taking the disk, and walking out the door
It's called thiefin', stealin', taking what's not yours
Is that really where you want your life to go?
Think about it, I don't think so
Don't copy! Don't copy that floppy

Now you see a game you like and you really want to try it
Don't copy that floppy, just go to the store and buy it
Think of it this way, okay?
When you're buy a disk, you're sayin' to the team
You respect what you do and what you're workin' for
We'll keep up our support so you can make up some more
We'll do the right thing and the future will be clear
There will be new programs here at the end
Don't copy! Don't copy that floppy

Now you know how the games and the programs are made
And what you do to make sure that they're not gonna fade
The bottom line is it's all up to you
There's nothing more that I can do
The goals in your court, dribble, shoot, or pass
I'm sure you'll make your decision with class

Don't copy that floppy

See ya, I'm outta here

[J T]

You plagiarized the anti-piracy song. That's so meta.

[jmbarnes101]

I wish these were on YouTube or a CD or something. Freaking awesome so far guys and gals.

I have no skills so ya'all shut me down quick but I'll get back up and take my beating while drinking NESQuik.

[J T]

My next rap isn't just about games from Nintendo
As it goes a little deeper in, so does the innuendo
I may be hardcore, but I'm not some kinda jerk
So the spoiler tag's a warning: this one's kinda Not Safe For Work

I got a pocket full of quarters and I'm off to play some games
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name
The arcade is the place where the cool kids meet
Well, cool in our minds, cuz most of us are geeks
Crank up the Rastan music cuz I'm ready to play
Line my quarters on the screen cuz I'll be here all day

I'm the King of Donkey Kong, and I'll never do you wrong
Start a Dance Dance Revolution to our favorite song
It goes up down, up down, with that Elevator Action
Slide to the left and right like you're piloting in Zaxxon
Now we're river Toobin', flap your arms all around
Let's Rampage the place and tear this building down
We're gunnin' crazy, buck wild, like Mad Dog McCree
Dancin' like we're chased by bees in 720 degrees

Roll like Marble Madness and forget about your problems
Kick off our clothes like the knight from Ghosts 'n Goblins
My Ikari Warrior joystick needs a twister and turner
My missile's locked on your tail in the heat of After Burner
I find my rhythm and I tap it like a Taiko Drum Master
I get in the Pole Position and I drive a little faster
I fling you off balance with my Discs of Tron
Push one knee to the floor while I Super Hang-On
Then it's pew! pew! pew! as I blast through Asteroids
Slammin balls into walls as I paddle your Arkanoid

She's afraid it's game over before the princess was saved
But I'm an Altered Beast told to "rise from your grave"
I flip it back 'round, and reverse it like Defender
A real Moonwalker, she glides back in surrender
I got more fire in my tongue than in Karnov's mouth
As I'm Cruisin' USA and driving her down South
Find that trigger in a Space Harrier then I give it a flick
Now I'm the Spy Hunter spinning out in the oil slick

Intensity climbs up up up, like Crazy Climber on the house
She's squawking like an ostrich gettin' poked in Joust
I help her cross the Golden bridge to feel the San Francisco Rush
The Hydro Thunder rumbles and the waters start to gush
Because I'm a hero when I go down like a Choplifter rescue
I spice it up like BurgerTime pepper: ACHOO! "God bless you!"
See, I'm a real Wonder Boy and my moves can make 'em holler
She wins the Smash TV prize and screams "I'd buy that for a dollar"

[Ivo]

JT, putting the 16-bit into the "16-bit graphic depiction"

[J T]

JT, putting the 16-bit into the "16-bit graphic depiction"

Yeah, I got a little carried away in the last few stanzas. That one started off being about dancing, but I realized as I was writing it that a lot of the dance rhymes sounded sexual, so I just went with it, reordered the couplets so that everything after the 720 reference got dirtier, and then got even dirtier. I was just having so much fun with all the double entrendre, I couldn't stop myself.

I've tried to do something a little different with each. My previous rhyme was about following a rigid rhyme structure that felt like a puzzle to put together. It basically went

The AB, the AB, the B rhyme flips with A
The AB, the AB, the B rhyme flips with A

I had to find words that rhymed with a lot of other words to be able to adhere to the many internal rhymes of the pattern I came up with. I decided to tighten up my rhythm and meter that time because I was jealous that some of Exhuminator's rhymes flowed better than mine. I ended up sacrificing the clever gaming references in the process though. I typically do the opposite and sacrifice the flow to squeeze in more game references, and though I wish they had better rhythm, I had fun with several of the rhymes that were entirely dedicated to individual consoles (the Colecovision one, the Neo Geo one, and this most recent NSFW arcade one).

I was also jealous of Key-Glyph's storytelling style about how she got into gaming, which is why I wrote about my days of competitively playing Street Fighter II. I tried to make it clear that I know different fighting strategies and counters, plus I really do love to win with Dhalsim because so many players underestimate him.

Edit: Oh, and jp1 rhymes the same word in a long series, so I've tried to do some of that. I like that Ziggy has worked in battle rhymes about RB board members, so I still need to do something like that.