Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Vant3c]

Hey fellow Racketboy members,

I have a serious question for all the married men and women who have a passion for gaming and collecting. First let me start this off by saying that currently I am married but separated from my wife who I love with all my heart and soul. We have been together for six and half years and married just under 3 years. This past year has been rough for us and we have had our fights and disagreements on various subjects. We have been separated for over a month now but still talk, and the other night had dinner together with each other.

Well we started talking about how to save and work on the things that our affecting our marriage and she brought up my " in her words" obsession with gaming. She has stated that she feels that I spend to much time doing that instead of wanting to be with her and she does not feel like a priority in my life but that gaming is. I have told her that I have never felt that way about it towards her that this is my hobby and i enjoy it and stated that we do things together, take trips, see movies, go out on dates, help with house work etc... But when I have down time or a lazy weekend or so I like to enjoy my hobby and play some games be it new or retro. She is saying that to move forward she feels it is best for me to have a reduction of my games and systems to something that in her eyes is more manageable and not such of a obsession as she put it.

Now I want everyone to know that I have around 18 systems some of them dup's and do not let my hobby get in the way of fiscal responsibilities or waste huge sums of money on it. I am a deal finding, flea market, yard sell and avid barter for my hobby. I only have less then $3000 dollars invested in my hobby over 10+ years; with a return of easily double of what i have spent or more. I was doing this when we first started dating so its not like a new thing I just started doing.

I love my wife dearly and would not want her to feel this way, but the reason I ask here on this site is because I know some of the members are married and with children. I ask some of you; if you are wiling to help, share or give advice that might help someone wade through this difficult situation that I am going through. To give some solid perspective to this event.

Thank you Racketboy community!

[dsheinem]

She is saying that to move forward she feels it is best for me to have a reduction of my games and systems to something that in her eyes is more manageable and not such of a obsession as she put it.

That seems like a very reasonable compromise.

[Exhuminator]

But when I have down time or a lazy weekend or so I like to enjoy my hobby and play some games be it new or retro.

OP, on average how many hours a week do you play video games? And what times of the day do you usually play them?

I only have less then $3000 dollars invested in my hobby over 10+ years

Okay, so 10 years x 52 weeks a year = 520 weeks
Now, $3000 divided by 520 weeks = $5.769230769230769
So let's round that up to $5.77

Yeah, so you spend about $5.77 on average a week on video games. Most people spend that much on coffee every single day. I think your wife needs to look at the math a little more closely there. It doesn't look to me like you have any kind of spending problem going on with this hobby.

[ninjainspandex]

Divorce her

[dsheinem]

As I understand it, the problem she's raised is the time you spend with games, not the money.

[Exhuminator]

As I understand it, the problem she's raised is the time you spend with games, not the money.

OP went out of his way to point out how much money he's spent on the hobby, which leads one to infer that the money angle has been brought up as a point of contention at some point.

But I agree the time issue is the primary factor. The question ultimately becomes is OP neglecting his wife's companionship for gaming time? Or is his wife trying to monopolize his free time in a selfish way? That's why knowing how much time he plays, and when he plays, are important pieces of information before making an assessment that can lead to any tangible advice in this situation.

[fastbilly1]

Yeah how much time is invested on a daily and weekly basis - ball park it?

Before I was married, I would spend a couple hours a day gaming, or working on one of my other hobbies. After it, that time has gone down because of house work and the like. But my wife and I realized that we needed something that neither of us could give eachother. She needed "girl" time with her best friend (which usually means drinking beer and making fun of what is on the tv at a nearby dive) while I need to kill badguys aswell as Ack and Noise. So Thursdays she goes to the bar and I stay home and kill monsters online.

[TEKTORO]

Yea if she is bringing up the time spent as the issue you definitely may want to take a step back and reflect what she is saying. Being obsessed can mean being totally ingulfed in your hobby 24/7 and that interferes with the normal sometimes, it maybe harmless and you may not meant to but look where you guys are at now.

You can patch things up with understanding one another and when you are all good to man up just apologize and spark it up again. I definitely believe people who are married need one another and will realize that when they take in where they are today.

I consiously feel guilty if I over spend time playing games especially when I find myself popping on a system 2-3 times a day. So now I feel more comfortable when it's later in the evening, when my kids are settled and I ask my wife if it's cool that u hog up the living room for a few hours. After all she works too and I want her to relax, watch tv settle in and spend time together.

Dude just to break it to ya women are sensitive and need things like that from us time to time... All the time

Sell your stuff to a more manageable size that you can still enjoy but it won't consume you with it mass size. It gets worse the larger the library grows, as a collector myself going for that next game you believe you need is a killer and adds more time to the hunt and less time for other things honestly.

[noiseredux]

Yeah how much time is invested on a daily and weekly basis - ball park it?

Before I was married, I would spend a couple hours a day gaming, or working on one of my other hobbies. After it, that time has gone down because of house work and the like. But my wife and I realized that we needed something that neither of us could give eachother. She needed "girl" time with her best friend (which usually means drinking beer and making fun of what is on the tv at a nearby dive) while I need to kill badguys aswell as Ack and Noise. So Thursdays she goes to the bar and I stay home and kill monsters online.

funny, Thursday I stay home and kill monsters with you guys online... while I drink beer.

But to elaborate on what Fast said, basically my wife knows that Thursday nights I have game night. And I know that Friday and Saturday nights I have set plans to spend time with her. Then the rest of the week is basically I play games assuming there's no other responsibilities to take care of first. It's definitely about finding a balance, but also reaching an understanding.

[Jmustang1968]

My wife likes to play games too, and even sometimes gets involved with collecting. She has actually vetoed some items I had planned to sell during a few collection purges, saying that we can't sell it. She also likes to do arts and crafts, so we both have things we spend free time with on our own.

The one thing that bothered her sometimes is when I used to play Magic often. I would leave the house to draft and do tournaments about every weekend. I basically stopped doing that after my daughter was born so I could be around the house more to help with her.