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Exhuminator
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by Exhuminator Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:42 pm

These would probably be more appealing to AJ:
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alienjesus
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by alienjesus Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:54 pm

BoneSnapDeez wrote:
alienjesus wrote:I mainly ask because I like strategy games but don't like dungeon crawlers and western RPGs in general. Maybe I'll give the Heroes games a go sometime. I'm pretty infamous for not being a PC gamer though, outside of point and click adventure games. I don't gel with keyboard controls, and gaming on a PC somehow feels too much like work for me. :(


i got u brah
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I've already got this one and beaten it dude :) I like the necromancer army best
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PartridgeSenpai
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by PartridgeSenpai Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:16 pm

*crawls out from under a stone*

Well, on the 13th, it will have been two months since I've beaten a game. This is part because of a difficult semester, but the ever-approaching 200-hour mark in Youkai Watch 3 also has a LOT to do with it, methinks XD

*crawls back under Youkai Watch 3 stone*
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by Ack Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:05 am

Right, well, I'm sure all of you have been having fruitful discussions about less important crap.

NOW ON TO MORE MIGHT AND MAGIC 4!
=================================================================================

Ack, Popo, Elkin, Exhum, Sarge, and Bone found themselves standing outside of a small tent in the desert. The castle where they had slain the werewolves loomed in the distance, but here the only sound was of the fabric doors flapping in the desert wind. A young man, his face artificially aged from heavy worries, slowly stepped out of the cool darkness within the tent. "You have saved my people from the werewolves, and for that I give you this: an amulet to open the Northern Sphinx."

The party took the amulet and pocketed it, then made the slow trek across the dunes to the Northern Sphinx, where they laid the amulet at its feet. The giant stone statue opened its mouth and spoke, welcoming our heroes and promising them certain doom.

"Not the first time we've heard that," Elkin grunted as the heroes stepped inside a door that had opened in the stone sculpture.

Inside the sphinx, the air was stifled and thick from years of no visitors. The party slunk forward in the darkness until they found a chair with a sign over it that said "Thief Throne." Exhum looked at the rest of the party, shrugged, and sat. A mighty voice boomed from above. "YOU ARE NOW THE PRINCE OF THIEVES!" The party looked around in shock and surprise.

Exhum jumped out of the chair and cheered. "Woo! Prince of Thieves!"

"Wait, so, you're Kevin Costner now?" Popo asked.

"Hey," Bone cried, "Field of Dreams was good."

"Yeah, and I didn't mind Dances with Wolves," Sarge followed.

"Waterworld was good," Ack said flatly. The rest of the party turned and stared at him in horror. Ack looked at their horrified faces. "What?"

"Ugh, we've butchered whole villages of people, rid towers of their occupants, committed horrific acts of murder, and yet," Elkin tapped on Ack's chest to punctuate his words, "only now do you disgust me."

"Seriously," Exhum muttered as the party turned away to explore the rest of the sphinx.

=================================================================================

Later the party found more chairs, denoting people as the best humans, orcs, elves, gnomes, and so forth. There were also hieroglyphics with a puzzle, which Bone quickly calculated in his head as the party moved to the basement. A riddle was posed from a booming voice above, "WHAT IS MY NAME?"

"Let's see, by my calculations from the hints above...," Bone said aloud whilst thinking, "your name is...Golux?"

"CORRECT. YOU HAVE FOUND MY NAME. CONGRATULATIONS AND GO FORTH, BRAVE-"

"I'm sorry," Popo cut off the booming voice, "but what the hell kind of name is 'Golux?'"

"Yeah, did your parents not like you or something?" Ack followed.

"WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOLUX?"

Exhum stepped forward, "Well for one, it's kinda dumb. Not kinda dumb. It is dumb. Really dumb. You should change it."

"Oh, oh, yeah!" Sarge frantically waved his hand in the air. "You look more like a Steve to me!"

Elkin cheered. "It's Steve now!"

"Steve! Steve! Steve," the party shouted in unison. Outside the sphinx rolled its eyes.

"FINE, MY NAME IS STEVE. GO COLLECT YOUR TREASURE. STUPID JERKS."

=================================================================================

Having raided the sphinx, the party returned to Winterkill to slaughter the ghost jousters. "Welcome back," the mayor cried. "We're all doomed!"

"Oh, shut up," Ack said as he cleaved a ghost in twain. Soon the spirits were routed for the final time, and the party left Winterkill thinking it was a stupid place.

=================================================================================

Soon our heroes found themselves standing at the entrance to the Tomb of 1000 Terrors. "That sounds awesome," Ack said with a grin as he stepped up to go inside.

"No, be careful, Ack," Sarge replied. "We don't know what kind of things lurk within. It could be anything."

"So long as I can kill it with my ax, it's no biggie," Popo declared. Ack nodded in agreement, and the band of warriors stepped inside. They soon found themselves standing before a statue that looked eerily familiar. A plaque at its base promised madness to all who entered.

Elkin spoke first. "Madness, eh? And does anybody else think this statue is eerily familiar..."

"Why yes it does!" Sarge roared as he leapt forward. "I know what to do!"

"NO!" the party bellowed in unison as Sarge ripped away his breakaway pants and began thrusting his banana-hammocked loins against the sculpture. Madness quickly set in.

=================================================================================

A short time later, the party, still reeling from the horror of 1000 Terrors from 1000 Erotic Positions Gnomes Can Get Into (*847 will shock you!), used more NAMCO tokens to buy more of Newcastle, where they encountered the stone to enter the Golem Dungeon. Soon they were slaughtering their way through golem after golem, anything they could to drive the image of what they had seen from their minds.

=================================================================================

Now the heroes found themselves outside of the wizard Darzog's tower.

"More wizards," Popo complained. "Seriously, what is it with these things?"

"Yeah," Exhum cried as he turned to Bone. "Do you guys all just have some kind of phallic fetish or something? You never find a thief or something hiding out in the top of a tower."

Bone spat in annoyance. "No, you find thieves crawling about in sewers."

"Damn straight," Exhum countered. "And we smell absolutely lovely."

The party entered, where they slaughtered floating hand monsters and evil wizards. Before they knew it, Darzog laid dead at their feet, Ack having accidentally butchered him in the melee without even realizing he was a boss. "Oops! I feel kind of bad about that," Ack said. "He didn't even get to give a boss speech or anything."

"Meh, he got in the way of your sword and my ax. See? Sword and ax towers would be more dangerous," Popo stated smugly.

The party then freed the king's principal adviser, who gave them a free building permit to finish the dungeon of their castle. Our intrepid band of heroes quickly returned home to explore their new dungeon, until Ack tripped through a wall and accidentally exposed the Sword of Xeen Killing. Ack grabbed it with a grin.

"Final boss killing time!"

=================================================================================

The party returned to the roof of Darzog's Tower. Across an expanse of clouds, Xeen's mighty fortress sat upon a storm cloud, a portent of doom about it. The heroes grinned as Ack raised the mighty Sword of Xeen Killing.

"Guess who's about to get his ass kicked, Xeeny boy!" Ack roared. The party cheered.

=================================================================================

WILL OUR BRAVE HEROES BE SUCCESSFUL IN STOPPING XEEN FROM CONQUERING MIGHT AND MAGIC 4? WILL BONE EVER EXPLAIN THAT PHALLIC WIZARD THING? WILL STEVE IN TIME LEARN TO ACCEPT HIS NEW AND IMPROVED NAME? HOW SOON WILL MIGHT AND MAGIC 5 START?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF ACK AND COMPANIONS IN MIGHT AND MAGIC 4!
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Exhuminator
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by Exhuminator Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:01 pm

Funny stuff as always Ack, made me literally LOL a few times.

I can't believe you're already at the final boss. Are these XEEN games short? Like 15-20 hours short?
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by Ack Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:20 pm

I'd say it's probably a little longer than that, but I tend to sit down and put in some solid chunks of time each evening since I can play in the living room. 4 is a quick romp though; if you know what you're doing, you can get through it in less than a year of game time. There are only about 4 required dungeons, and they're generally not that large. Larger than Swords of Xeen, but I feel like smaller than M&M3.

There is also a lot of content I cannot access yet because it's hidden behind Might and Magic 5 (there is a fair bit of side content, but most of it simply involves going to point A, killing monsters, and then going to point B for the reward). The level cap for M&M4 is only 20; the game was designed with porting to 5 in mind. As a result, 4 feels a bit incomplete. You need 5 to round out the adventure, and in truth I could have been swapping over to play both at the same time, but I wanted to do them in order.

Also, I learned which spells work best for buffing and a few tips for faking out the enemy AI while doing Swords of Xeen, so I've been able to rush past a lot of tough fights.
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by MrPopo Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:07 pm

Yeah, since so many of the dungeons are towers it ends up being more floors of smaller size, which really adds up due to the thick walls. Also, Ack, save that Sword of Xeen for the post post game content after you finish V.
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by Ack Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:04 pm

And now the finale of MIGHT AND MAGIC 4!
=================================================================================

"What do you mean we need a cupie doll to enter the Fortress of Xeen?" Ack said with a confused expression on his face.

"Hey, them's the rules. To get in, you have to have an official Xeen doll," Xeen's guard replied with a huff. "You can win one by getting enough other dolls from games at the tents over there."

"Fine," Elkin rolled his eyes. "Let's just go get the stupid doll."

The party engaged in parlor games for the next few hours, finally returning to Xeen's Fortress with a cute plushie of his Evilness.

"Great, you got the doll," the guard grunted as he opened the door. "Welcome to the Fortress of Xeen."

"Thanks," Popo responded and then slammed his ax into the guard's face.

=================================================================================

The party made their way through the Fortress of Xeen, slaughtering Xeen's guards and destroying machines that generated traps throughout the floors. Once at the final lair, the party walked up to the final chamber, only to be stopped by Xeen's hideous giant pet dragon.

"Aww, it's kind of cute," Elkin grinned. The dragon belched fired in response, which caused Sarge to leap into the air and check if his trousers had ignited.

"Agh! Kill it, kill it!"

"Can do!" Ack roared as he stabbed the dragon in the face. The pet let out a screech and collapsed into a lifeless pile of flesh. From inside the final chamber came a terrible wail.

"You have killed my pet," cried Lord Xeen. "For that, you die!"

Ack readied the Xeen Sword with a shrug. "Sure, you can try."

Xeen flew forth at the party with a fury, magic bursting forth from his fingertips. He cackled and howled with rage as he came on...and then Ack promptly impaled him with the Xeen Sword. In the face. Like through an eyeball. It was gross.

"Sick," Exhum replied as Xeen's eyeball popped.

Xeen fell screaming in agony to the floor. Ack ripped the sword from his face and stabbed him a couple dozen more times, just to be sure. Bone picked up Xeen's staff, and the party stood over the dead final boss, basking in their victory.

Suddenly the staff began to glow, countering a nearby magic mirror. The fortress began to shake and crumble. Our heroes dropped the staff and moved to the magic mirror, where they teleported into a final victory video showcasing all the monsters they killed.

"We killed a lot of monsters," Exhum said as he watched.

Popo didn't blink. "Good."

=================================================================================

And so did the mighty adventure that is Might and Magic 4 come to an end. Tune in next time for MIGHT AND MAGIC 5: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY-

I mean MIGHT AND MAGIC 5: DARKSIDE OF XEEN!
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by MrPopo Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:09 pm

"What do you mean we need a cupie doll to enter the Fortress of Xeen?" Ack said with a confused expression on his face.

"Hey, them's the rules. To get in, you have to have an official Xeen doll," Xeen's guard replied with a huff. "You can win one by getting enough other dolls from games at the tents over there."

"Fine," Elkin rolled his eyes. "Let's just go get the stupid doll."

The party engaged in parlor games for the next few hours, finally returning to Xeen's Fortress with a cute plushie of his Evilness.

I want to make sure you guys understand; there is zero embellishment by Ack here. You literally go to a series of tents with some sort of "challenge" that gets automatically beaten if you have a character with a high enough value in a requisite stat (one for each tent), giving you a prize, and getting a prize from each tent lets you proceed. And they are presented as carnival games. Yes, the Might & Magic series was rather silly in the 1-5 era (not sure if they got more serious past that).
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Re: RPG Progress Report

by alienjesus Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:00 pm

I have enjoyed your quest to kill Xeen.

Steve is definitely a better name than Golux, because it doesn't seem as if it rhymes with bollocks.
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