Revising Games That Defined the Sega Master System

[samsonlonghair]

Thanks for the update, Racket!

Mind if I do a little proofreading?

Phantasy Star was jam-packed into a full 4 mb cartridge and was superior to both games in terms of both graphics and sound.

Which both games? This sentence would make more sense if it was preceded by a sentence that mentions two other games. You can also consider removing reference to "both games" altogether.

Originally developed a technical showpiece, Yuji Naka’s programming work (before his days on Sonic the Hedgehog) Phantasy Star also ended up being one of the last significant titles to be released in North America for Sega’s 8-bit console.

Consider revising this sentence. The syntax feels awkward to me. Maybe this would work better as three short sentences.

The franchise eventually was followed up with three sequels on the Genesis/Megadrive, the Phantasy Star Online and Phantasy Star Universe franchise, and a few other spin-offs on various consoles and handhelds (read up more on Phantasy Star and its legacy in our Together Retro write-up).

Try, "Phantasy Star spawned a larger franchise including three sequels on the Genesis/Megadrive, the Phantasy Star Online/Universe series, and spin-offs on various other platforms." Instead.

I like the link-back to a previous article. That part is good for search engine results. On the other hand, I don't think it needs to be inside of parentheses inside another sentence. Consider writing, "Read up more on Phantasy Star and its legacy in our Together Retro write-up." as a complete sentence at the end of that paragraph.

No offense meant here. Just a couple of sentences with room for improvement. If you like, I could proofread a little bit more.

[racketboy]

Thank you! If anyone else has something, let me know!

[samsonlonghair]

As a console arcade port of the time, Wonder Boy on Master System was an incredible accomplishment, critically acclaimed by 1987 critics.

The syntax feels awkward here as well. Consider instead, "Upon release in 1987, critics acclaimed Wonder Boy as an incredible accomplishment porting an arcade game to home console."

Despite the fact Wonder Boy can be furiously difficult at times, this is still a must have release for Master System owning genre fans.

Consider instead, "Wonder Boy is a must-have release for platformer fans despite its furious difficulty."

It is also worth noting that the popularity of the original Wonder Boy lead to Hudson Soft contracting Escape to develop a clone of Wonder Boy. The main character was altered to reference Hudson Soft’s spokesman Takahashi Meijin (renamed Master Higgins in the Western releases). Hudson Soft’s ripoff was entitled Adventure Island. Adventure Island soon released for NES, giving Sega’s Master System version stiff competition. (The sequels to both series were original, however)

One note for this paragraph: I seem to remember a Wonder Boy / Adventure Island retrospective. A link to that article somewhere in this section could improve your search engine results.

[samsonlonghair]

The spectacles were little more than an electronic variation of the red/green or red/blue 3D spectacles used by thrill-seeking moviegoers back in the 1950s.

Technical error. Active Shutter 3D glasses use a completely different technology than Anaglyph glasses. I see WHY you wrote this sentence; you want to compare the 3D glasses to another 3D technology with which the reader is already familiar. Consider instead, "Sega employed Active Shutter 3D glasses rather than the 3D glasses you may find at a movie theatre."

Titles such as Thunder Blade, Hang-On, After Burner, OutRun, Alien Syndrome, R-Type, and Shinobi, Quartet and more were representative of what made Sega great.

Consider instead, "Titles such as Thunder Blade, Hang-On, After Burner, OutRun, Alien Syndrome, R-Type, Shinobi, Quartet, and more represent Sega's greatest strength."

The eventually doubled-down on this approach during the early years of the Sega Genesis (primarily Michael Jackson for Moonwalker and sports celebrities for first-party sports games).

Consider instead, "Sega doubled-down on this approach during the early years of the Sega Genesis."

Sorry if I insulted anyone's pride with this post. Just trying to help.

[racketboy]

I made changes to the Phantasy Star section per your direction, but executed some of them just a tad different -- lemme know what you think.

[samsonlonghair]

Good improvement!

Also, sorry if I come across as pedantic when I'm proofreading.

[racketboy]

And I completed the others as well! Excellent thoughts and ideas.
I completely forgot about the Wonder Boy / Adventure Island TR post

[racketboy]

Good improvement!

Also, sorry if I come across as pedantic when I'm proofreading.

Not at all! It was super helpful!

[samsonlonghair]

Looks much better, Racket, Bravo! Glad I could be of help.

[alienjesus]

I mean, the top review of that google thread is saying that Secret Mission is the pick of the bunch.

To be clear, the bit I'd never heard anyone claim before is that Great Rescue was any good. I had the Mega Drive game as a kid and I'm a huge Asterix fan, but even then I knew the game was pretty bad.